Zarking Around

In another thread, someone mentioned that Zark could have been done so much better.

I agree.

Viewers were familiar with robots. Lost in Space was in syndication all over the place (along with other SF series produced by Irwin Allen). The Outer Limits and Twilight Zone were also around. The same UHF stations that played those shows also had their Friday or Saturday 'Creature Feature' movies.

The Robot from Lost in Space would be a decent model for Zark (minus the 'Danger! Danger!' arm-waving schtick). That character had its campy moments, but also had some dignity. Can't imagine the Robot whining about being sent to the recycling center any day now, or complaining about pains in the frammistat.

Zark could have monitored activity throughout the Federation and analyzed the data, then possibly recommended courses of action to Chief Anderson. (For those scenes of Zoltar and the Luminous One, the kids watching were likely capable of figuring out that Zark wasn't watching that.) We would still have the nice space travel animation (the best of the add-on animation, even if most ended at the chocolate-turtle planet), without the yipping about tracking an enemy from Spectra to Hoboken. Just add a gloating VO from the villain of the week or Zoltar, then cut to Zark sending out a red alert. (Yeah, the Federation still has crappy security, but we can't have everything we want.)

Zark can be concerned about the team without being creepy or weird about it. It's his transistors on the line if they're seriously injured or hurt.

He could also get the memos. Decoys of Doom could have opened with 'G-Force and Chief Anderson are working on a special project' and then gone to the Gatch footage of the robot doubles. No yelping about attempted murder, but admiration of the team, (and some robotic embarrassment when he learns he mistook robots for the real team). Remember: children's show.

Zark filled the Narrator role for Battle of the Planets, and was padding for the time that had to be filled because of the editing. (And a narrator really was necessary to provide the vital backstory for a given episode, in both BotP and Gatch.) The padding was the problem. Once the 'G-Force has arrived on the planet XYZ and is looking for Spectra's hideout' is over, what else is there for a robot coordinator to do?

Well, he doesn't need to become the inventor of all the weapons, nor should he be playing with them. That was a very clumsy attempt to integrate him into the show. (Besides, Anderson needs to do more than stand around and repeat plot points and provide more 'As you know, Bob' dialogue with Mark.)

And --

NO SUSAN.

Ever.

Or make her less -- sexy and ditzy. Bleargh.

(My brain is tired. I'll let someone else catch this train of thought.)

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Benefits, not features; benefits, not features

According to Jason Hofius, we can blame Sandy Frank's secretary for Susan. Seems she inspired the creation of the character. Those must have been some hot-sounding phone calls.

The Zark and Ready Room sequences were filler. Maybe we should investigate and figure out if the Condor-heavy Gatch episodes were the ones needing all the filling.

Dr. Smith certainly needed a keeper. (He was supposed to die around the third ep, but Jonathan Harris did such a good job that they kept him. Unfortunately, he then suffered from character derailment and serious badass decay. It would have been interesting to see the cold-hearted bastard of the first episodes realize that he had to keep on the Robinsons' good side and his efforts to play the part of misunderstood stowaway -- or whatever excuse he had concocted for his actions to that point.)

Hulu.com has 'Lost in Space.'

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Benefits, not features; benefits, not features