Underwear For Votes

I'm not even going to really comment on what I'm about to post but I just thought it to be really funny and laughable. I think politicians have more important things to do than the worry about underwear.

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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
Republicans, Out of Ideas, Ask Prosecutors to Arrest Michael Moore


10/6/04

Dear Friends,

You may have heard by now that the Michigan Republican Party has called for my arrest. That's right. They literally want me brought up on charges -- and hope that I'm locked up.

No, I'm not kidding. The Republican Party, yesterday, filed a criminal complaint with the prosecutors in each of the counties where I spoke last week in Michigan.

My crime? Clean underwear for anyone who will vote in the upcoming election.

Each night on our 60-city "Slacker Uprising Tour" through the 20 battleground states, I've been registering hundreds (and on some nights, thousands) of voters at my arena and stadium events. I then ask for everyone over 23 who has never voted (or didn't vote in the last election) to stand up. I tell these slackers that I understand and respect why they think politicians are not worth the bother. I tell them that I may have been the original slacker, and that I do not want them to change their slacker ways. Keep sleeping 'til noon! Keep drinking beer! Stay on the sofa and watch as much TV as possible! But, please, just for me, on 11/2, I want you to leave the house and give voting a try -- just this once. The stakes this time are just too high.

If they promise me that they'll do this, I give the guys a 3-pack of new Fruit of the Loom underwear, and the women get a day's supply of Ramen noodles, the sustenance of slackers everywhere.

I then close by having them repeat the 2004 Slacker Oath: "Pick nose! Pick butt! Pick Kerry."

It seems to have worked, as each night the volunteer tables are swamped afterwards with hundreds of new and young voters signing up to campaign for regime change for the next four weeks.

The satire of all this seems to have been lost on the Republicans. Or maybe it hasn't. The state of Michigan (where we spent most of last week) reported that over 100,000 young people recently registered to vote, a record that no one saw coming. The Slacker Tour has turned into a huge steamroller with a momentum all its own.

So, the Republican Party, to show their gratitude that so many young people will now be involved in our system, has demanded that I be sent to jail for trying to "bribe" students to vote.

Of course, this would be quite laughable if they weren't so serious about their charges. But they are. I may soon be a wanted man in Michigan -- simply because I convinced a few slackers to change their underwear and eat a healthy meal of artificially flavored noodles.

I thought I'd seen it all this year -- Disney refusing to distribute the film they paid for, right-wingers harassing theater owners who showed "Fahrenheit 9/11," conservative action groups trying to get the FEC to kick our film ads off the air, the unnecessary restrictive R-rating that forced teenagers to sneak in to see it, and all the stupid, crazy attacks on me and my movie that I've had to listen to as I watched the public ignore them and pack the movie houses anyway, where my film was being shown. And when all that failed, five different Republican groups made five different attack dog tapes (oops, "documentaries"!) against me in a period of about six weeks. But they were all so bad, so boring, so right-wing, no one wanted to watch them and they too went away, a sad waste of good videotape.

Now, after enduring all this, with no tricks left in their bag, they've just decided, "Let's toss his sorry ass behind bars -- him and his noodles and his gift of clean underwear!"

My friends, they will not catch me. Though I may be on the run, and I may never be able to return home to my beloved Michigan, I make this solemn vow to you and yours: The slackers of America shall not be denied their noodles, they will proudly wear their clean underwear as free Americans, and they will vote Bush out of office come November 2nd (though they will not show up to the polls until well after noon)!

Stay strong, stay slacker, and please remember to turn the underwear inside out every three days. As for the noodles, add boiling water, stir.

Yours,

Michael Moore

We also get free babysitters. Well, we don't, but they do offer. I usually go during the day with pre-schooler in tow. Or we make it a family outing after supper. I rather like the chance to look at the different schools and churches. Too bad there isn't a synagogue or mosque in the riding -- be a nice chance to look around a bit.

The volunteers say they're from one party, but we're apparently free to vote any way we like. (Hmmmm, she doesn't hang up after they say they're from Joe's party, and Joe's party does a nice thing for her. Well worth them sending a car around.)

And I'm quite sure that the people who actually say who they're likely to vote for during the canvasing days before are the ones who get more volunteers calling.

If the "other" party had hired Moore or supported him in any way, then the undies are bribes from them. But he's independent, and he's being quite clear that the reward is for voting, not for who they vote for. He doesn't even have the registration list there -- they're going out the next day to register.

If the politicians want to appeal to the "slackers", they're going to have to clean up the debates so they get watched.

Here's to the best party getting in -- I don't know which one that will be, because I don't know what's coming. The best party for the short term may be the wrong one for the long term. I just don't know.

__________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

- Viktor E. Frankl

Although I'm breaking with organization policy and will probably suffer a painful death, The Galactor secretly endorses Bush and his Neo Cons (www.newamericancentury.org that include Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfield, Paul Wolfowitz, and others with psuedo-facist agendas for profitting over pollutant resources at the cost of innocent lives both soldiers and civilians.

The Galactor supports mass confusion. We have a controlling hand with the Saudis, Israelis, Republican party, the terrorists, and religious right. They are all part of our grand scheme, though we've got the public to think they are different sides of the coin. We like our puppets to use soundbytes of "Freedom on the march" ,"Democracy", and "Sovereignty" , etc. all the whilst denying the masses of those thing. The best thing we've devised by far are reality tv shows and Fox News. Nothing is better than dumbing down the masses and turning them into consuming drones.

This November, if you wish to support evil, vote for Bush. You will forget the lies no matter how blatant because we'll use Weapons of Mass Distraction. And if you vote for Kerry, we already have the voting system rigged electronically. We've improved since the 2000 election in Florida.

Damn that Michael Moore! He must be working with Gatchaman! Here he goes exposing us again...

Thursday, October 07, 2004


Someone Has Stolen Both the Brains AND the Sense of Humor from the Michigan Republican Party


Michael Moore filed a theft complaint with the Lansing City Police today stating that "someone has stolen both the brains AND the sense of humor from the Michigan Republican Party."

The brains were locked in a box where they were placed after the last moderate Republican governor of Michigan retired in 1980. The party's "sense of humor" was not valued at more than $100 and therefore its theft is considered a misdemeanor.

"I am concerned about the loss of these two items," Moore told reporters. "If there is anything I can do to help the Republicans find them, I will."

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of the Michigan Republicans' brains or sense of humor is asked to call CrimeStoppers at (269) 273-6467.

posted by Michael at 11:41 AM


Galactor mission fails. Self-destruction button pushed by villain captain of the week while Berge Katse escapes in Devil Star ship. Gatchaman and Michael moore fly off into beautiful horizon.