The question is, where did he learn it?

In my case, my kids learned those kind of words (my son was 3 at the time) from watching Gatchaman. I knew that was the source, and I remember bathing him one day and 'damn' and 'hell' came out every third word.

So I sat both of my kids down and explained that these were naughty words, and it was naughty to say them. And even if otherwise cool people (like Condor Joe) said them, they were still naughty. After all, EVERYONE is naughty sometimes, even Condor Joe.

My daughter, who was 5, picked this up pretty quickly, and stopped. My son, who was 3, did not, and he kept saying these words. despite warnings. So one day I let his sister watch Gatchaman, while he was locked in the upstairs behind a child gate. He could HEAR the show, but not see it. It drove him crazy, and I told him that if he couldn't stop saying naughty words, he wouldn't be allowed to watch Gatchaman anymore.

Well, it worked, and although occasionally something will come out now (he just turned 5) a reminder is enough to stop him.

In your case, if it's not movies that he's picking it up from, I would punish him another way where it hurts. Boys who say naughty words can't play with ??? toy. Boys who say naughty words can't have cookies after dinner. Whatever works for him.

Also, Christmas is coming, and we know what Santa does to naughty boys and girls, right?

Anyhow... that's what worked for me.

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This is going to seem completely backwards, but my bet is that he isn't increasing how often he says it out of defiance -- you may be accidentally reinforcing it by reacting so strongly. In other words, the child has realized that his swearing gets him LOTS of attention from Mommy, Daddy, and everyone else as well!

So maybe very calm punishment, like what TJ said above (great story, btw!!) would be a great approach.

I'll tell you a funny story to maybe make you feel a little better. I have a friend, and he and his wife (who are both psychologists -- she's even Catholic) do swear around their kids. Their son never did it, but their daughter, who's about 4, has picked it up just fine. So after Mass one day my friend is talking to the priest, and the child drops her toy and yells, "Goddammit!"

The priest says "WHAT did she say?"

My friend says, "Uh...'I dropped it!'"

Kid yells, "No, I said goddammit !"

You might try How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, which is my favorite parenting book. It has a very mild Christian slant, but if you don't mind that (or can stand it), it's worth the $10 or whatever it costs.

Let us know what happens!

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I agree with Katsesama on the negative reinforcement. Negative emotions like excited parents, or fear of being spanked, or guilt can be more addictive than the good ones. (At least so says Driven To Distraction, a book on ADHD which is apparently out of date, but I found very useful.)

Your little guy is the right age to start 1-2-3 Magic. Most of the objections to that book come from the people who didn't read the entire thing. There's also a video, but I didn't see it.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen didn't keep my interest long enough to finish reading properly, but the cartoons had a good way of looking at things, so it's still on my shelf.

IMHO, at his age the result should be immediate; by the time cookies are out, he's forgotten what he did. Kids really do live in the moment. Yes, you'll spend some time missing things yourself, but once he gets the idea, he won't test it too often. (Too often being a relative term.)

My kids know that "But Joe does it!" is pretty much irrelevant. So is "But Sosai lets me do it." What matters is that I do not let them do it. Now that they're older, they also know the reasons (and the eldest may secretly agree with them). There are lots of things other people can and can't do, like drive a car, cook, climb a ladder, or wear diapers or have all 2478 Transformer toys.

Having said that, it's still a good idea to find out who is modeling that sort of language. It's easier to behave as Mommy wants if he doesn't have as many options to try out. I remember when my son first sang a song I wasn't around when he learned; it was a perfectly normal song, learned at playschool, but it really shook me that someone else was having that large an influence on him.

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Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

- Viktor E. Frankl