Sorry for the absence

I wanted to apologize for my being absent. I've been having some personal issues. My mother in law has been suffering with liver cancer for almost a year now and, sadly, the radiation and chemo have not worked. She was given, at most, a year. For the last six months or so she's been going downhill so we've been spending as much time with her as we can.
Tonight we learned that she is beginning to turn jaundice and they made arrangements for hospice care. I fear it won't be much longer.
I hope you all understand why I haven't been around for a while.. This has been very hard on my husband and kids... even me.
So if you can, keep us in your thoughts and I'll be back as soon as I can.
I miss you all.

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There's no need to apologize, Kitsu. You're going through an especially rough time, and what kind of people would we be if we didn't understand that? Do what you need to do; we're here when you need us.

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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury

Your family is more important, Kitsu. We'll be here when you're ready. My thoughts are with you

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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...

RL is always more important. This site will be here when you need it.

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I couldn't ask for a more wonderful bunch of friends. You're all so supportive and have offered me such kindness that I just don't have words... <3

I have an update on my mother-in-law... She's gotten so much worse in such a short time. She's no longer able to get up on her own, not even to sit up when she's laying down on the sofa and she has a wheelchair for when she needs to be moved from one room to the other. She sleeps the majority of the time, even through visits, and she's starting to get confused.
I've been having a really rough time of things. I have myself so thoroughly convinced that I can't afford the luxury of crying because I have too many people to take care of that I couldn't at all, not even when I was alone. I've been making myself physically sick over all this because my nerves are so shot. Even medication isn't helping much anymore because the stress is just getting to be so great. My memory is horrible at the moment, my hair is falling out... And the worst part is that when she finally passes, I'll fell a sense of relief, not so much because HER suffering is over, but more because OURS is. And then I'll feel guilty for that even though I realize this is, in a way, a normal reaction.
But I can't worry about those things... My husband and kids (at the very least) need someone to be strong. And so I suffer silently and, as littlewolf said, run on auto pilot.
Sorry for the vent... I really need someone to know how shitty I feel and to tell me it's okay that I do, I suppose...
I don't think it will be much longer now, sadly. So send lots of positive vibes, okay? I really need them right now.

Thanks for being such wonderful friends *hugs to everyone* <3

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I'm so sorry, Kitsu. You're going through an indescribable pain and sorrow...I wish we could simply say a word and make it all go away. But we can't do that -- all we can do is hope and pray for the best as well as being a shoulder for you to cry on.

And, by the way, CRY! It's not a luxury -- it's a necessity. You're already suffering physical harm from keeping everything in, and it will only get worse if you keep holding everything in. You need to take care of yourself -- even if it's just a little bit. What good would you be if you end up in the hospital?

We're here for you -- vent as much as you want.

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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury

My thoughts are with you, Kitsu.

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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...

I'm so sorry for you, Kitsu. I had a similar situation with "friends" when my mom died. Unfortunately, I can't advise you on how to deal with them -- some don't know what to do when others are in severely stressful situations so they shy away, others are just total sh**heads. Just don't forget that we're here for you and we understand why you haven't been participating.

I can understand your concern for your father-in-law. Maybe he needs a little more time to recover from this loss. Have you talked to somebody about his situation? Maybe a counselor or somebody from the clergy could give you some ideas on how to help him.

In the meantime, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury

I'm so sorry to hear this Kitsu! We are here whenever you feel like popping in, no worries.

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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...

Thanks guys, it means a lot that you're all here to support me

I've been kind of antisocial lately, even in real life. There are just a lot of things going on... It's just hard for me to be around people.
I've done some thinking about my friends these past few weeks and realized that many of them just haven't been there period. Not for good times or bad... just not at all.
And ever since the election, I feel like I'm in an episode of The Twilight Zone, "Eye of the Beholder". You know, that one where the norm was to look like a pig nosed version of the creature from the black lagoon and the pretty blonde woman was considered normal... I'm just feeing like all the people I knew are suddenly turning into pig nosed people and I'm the abnormal blonde woman because I'm not thrilled with the outcome. Hell, I wouldn't have been happy either way. So I've just been trying to stay away from everyone for a while until this (hopefully) calms down. I haven't even gone on Facebook in about a week or so.

But there has been some good that came out of this. My father in law actually left the house for 2 days! Some of his friends invited him to go hunting at their cabin. I'm against hunting myself, but I know he loves it. I was constantly asking my hubby when he would talk to him, "He's still going, right? He's going hunting, right? He's going to get the hell out of the house, hang out with friends, right?!" I was thrilled when he went! He seemed a lot happier when he came home. But it really hasn't lasted long, as I figured it wouldn't. I'm going to look into the things you guys suggested, senior programs, counseling, friends, clergy... Eventually, when a little more time has passed, I'm going to suggest a part time job and a pet. I know he said he'd never have another dog after my hubby's dog passed (the dog lived with them because we had lived in apartments for years that didn't allow dogs) and he's not fond of cats, but he needs something. I'm thinking a cat... They're easier to care for and handle, they don't need to go outside and as long as they have food, water and fresh litter, they could care less if you go out for hours at a time. Plus petting one and purring is soothing, it can sit on his lap, he can talk to it, it'll keep him company... He had been caring for my mother in law for such a long time that I don't think he knows what to do with himself now that he has nothing and no one to care for.
The main thing is that, for any of us to have a life again, he needs to figure out how to have one. I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

Thanks for all the love and support, guys. You don't know how much it's meant to me and helped me out. Happy Thanksgiving!

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