Miss you guys!!!!

okay, I'll let you all know I'm having a very bad night.
and I need to dump and unload.
The truth is I miss you all, but unfortunate I have nothing to contribute.
My creative side had shut down and I've been running on man brain for a long time (his name is Brian)
I have been trying to get on the site once a week to catch up ....but I am so far behind

There is so much I want to tell you about what is going on, but I've deleted it all ... its not simple, heady and confusing and to be honest it hurts to type it out.

Some really bad things have happens over the last few years, I've lost and buried people, the family has had way to may traumas, friends have had major illnesses,I've had my own illness, plans and dreams have been sent back years, decisions have been made because there seemed to be no other choice, I've been close to a total break down on numerous times (honestly I'm just to bloody stubborn, but I have a great plan for a pillow fort and have lots of people willing to join me if I ever run away), week after week there seemed to be more bad news or trauma, to the point that I felt like I was drowning in it.. and not just to my family but to many of the people around me

I'm tired and fed up with being strong, I don't have much resistant or resilience left in me.. my dreams and aspiration seemed to be getting further away and the people who I thought I could rely on , fell short and unfortunately that includes family.

and yes I've started therapy ( kineseology) because I need to deal with my less than perfect childhood and teenage years and honestly my adult years haven't been that okay either

I'll give you a quick breakdown of the last few years in and around me
Surgeries people 8
surgeries animals 7
cancer and chemo 4
deaths people 6 (2 unexpected 1 violent) family young children left behind 3
deaths animals in the foster community 9 (due to illness or mercy)
cat-scans and MRI's - 5
suicide attempts 3 ( friends and their teenage children)
divorces or separations 3
custody issues - 3
major and minor illness 11
financial difficulty 9
cars finally giving up 3 ( one was mine, it was only 20 years old, and seriously public transport sucks)
general injuries 17
broken tail bone 1 ( my mum) 4 months ago 8 weeks hospital and rehab =age care assessment now high needs including my father who we had to bribe with a MacDonald run once a week so he would actually go and see his wife of 60 plus years
burns major 2 ( my nephew in law and my great nephew who is 8 years old he has 40% burns to his body including his groins face chest and legs) happened on fathers day this year
People we didn't know if they were dead or alive - 1 - my brother in law, cause there was an accident at the mine site he worked at, and we didn't know for about 6 hours who or what and they were on lock down (older sister husband) again fathers day about 1 hour before she found out about my nephew in law and my great nephew , her kids ( seriously universe you had to dump all of that on us in a few hours) enough with the multiple earth shattering shit
extended hospital stays 4
short term hospital stays 8
work issues, EBA issues - most of my department and several others
lost faith in God - me and lots of other people
people who are burnt out and just don't know when to stop - me and most of the people I know
discovering some one is actually a secret racist who make derogative statement about people they think are less than them - 2 - my parents in their old age
and shit loads more stuff

that the short is version, my creative side is non existent at the moment and my plans to go back studying at the beginning of next year have been delayed till middle of next year, as I have taken over care of both my parents ( which in itself had brought up many more issues cause they are not easy people to deal with


any way that's about it, I'm still thinking of you guys and hopefully my creative brain will switch back on eventually, till then I'm sending you all love and hugs and kindness
miss you all
DM

__________________
May the bad things get lost on the way to you door!

Oh, LW, I'm so sorry to hear that the universe has been dumping so much on you! It's no wonder you haven't been feeling producive lately -- your muse has fallen into a deep and very full septic tank and is having a devil of a time getting out! You've always got me if you need to vent.

__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury

LW, what can I say... I m very, very sorry to read about all you've been going through... We are here whenever you need to talk/ rant. Just look after yourself, ok????

__________________
They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes -- Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.

LW, we're with you and always available for a cyber hug.

I'm the veteran of several years of therapy, which did help me. I hope it will help you, too.

__________________
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...