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AllentownDarkWater
Banned
I am an Eagle.
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 24-01-2010
Posts: 828
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25-03-2012 16:08
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amethyst
Wanted: $1000 Reward
I am a Condor.
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 15-07-2009
Posts: 6248
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Allen, I don't know if I'm one of the people you are talking, but if I am I'll apologize right now.
I have distanced myself from you because of post like these. But not because of you, because of me. I had to do it for personal reason. I have a son with emotional/social disabilities and some of these posts where your rant about difficulties relating to others hit just too close to home.
Unfortunately, from my perspective that seems to be the majority of your posts. You seldom join into some of the more fun aspects of this site anymore. Everyone needs to let off steam, but if that is all you do, it brings everyone else down with you and people tend to start distancing themselves.
My suggestion, it is great to write out emotions, but not everything needs to made public. Keep a personal journal. Join in fun activities. Rant only when you are about to implode or explode. If every little thing is bringing about the end of the world, seek professional help.
Finally, don't let others push you out of things you like.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
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25-03-2012 17:38
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amethyst
Wanted: $1000 Reward
I am a Condor.
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 15-07-2009
Posts: 6248
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| quote: | Originally posted by AllentownDarkWater
Wow! Two people actually still give a shit! It's a miracle! Then again it could just be a dream for all I know/figment of imagination/etc. |
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Allen, please come back and look at the anger in these words.
These words are a good example why many have distanced themselves from you. It's not that we don't care, it's the fact that regardless of what we say it's not enough. If we respond to this rant, but not to the next we become the enemy, you see us as against you.
Maybe the person you are ranting about had a really shitty day and needed you to listen to their drama and got more of yours instead it.
Now, a few of us have said this, so I'd like to offer visual proof. Go back and find your first ten posts. How many are rants and how many are on other topics, fun topics, things that help make stress lighter for everyone? After that, look at your last ten posts. They're all rants aren't they?
Yes, this section is for members to let off steam. However, if all you do is post in here and not participate in other activities, do you really expect people to want to come and virtually sit with you. What this has become with only posting in rants is the virtual equivalent of the angry person walking down the street yelling at anybody and everybody who gets in their way, people cross the street and duck into places they wouldn't go to avoid this person. Do you really want to continue being this person?
We can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. If you can help yourself by using some of the techniques offered above or others, then you'll find you'll become a more likable person. You might even be able to mend bridges that once were burned, or realize that your are a better, happier person without those people.
Just remember it starts with you, not with others.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
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26-03-2012 16:48
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UnpublishedWriter
Gatchamaniac
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 31-08-2009
Posts: 3156
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And it will annoy them mightily when you act as if it's no biggie. I said 'act.' It hurts, but by keeping it private and not showing, you take away their power over you.
It will be hard to do (I don't like getting screwed over, either, and take it far too personally), but consider it constructive revenge. They're expecting you to act a certain way. Without that reaction, they have nothing and have to go elsewhere. You win.
Humor is tricky. Someone has a bad day, words are passed, and feelings are hurt. Then we have to let it go, no matter how much we want to explain ourselves, make things right, or whatever.
Pick your battles, plan your strategy, and start enjoying yourself again.
__________________
Benefits, not features; benefits, not features
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27-03-2012 01:54
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Cep
Board Pirate
I am a Galactor.
Registration Date: 22-01-2004
Posts: 2514
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| quote: | Originally posted by amethyst
Allen, please come back and look at the anger in these words.
These words are a good example why many have distanced themselves from you. It's not that we don't care, it's the fact that regardless of what we say it's not enough. If we respond to this rant, but not to the next we become the enemy, you see us as against you.
Maybe the person you are ranting about had a really shitty day and needed you to listen to their drama and got more of yours instead it.
Now, a few of us have said this, so I'd like to offer visual proof. Go back and find your first ten posts. How many are rants and how many are on other topics, fun topics, things that help make stress lighter for everyone? After that, look at your last ten posts. They're all rants aren't they?
Yes, this section is for members to let off steam. However, if all you do is post in here and not participate in other activities, do you really expect people to want to come and virtually sit with you. What this has become with only posting in rants is the virtual equivalent of the angry person walking down the street yelling at anybody and everybody who gets in their way, people cross the street and duck into places they wouldn't go to avoid this person. Do you really want to continue being this person?
We can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. If you can help yourself by using some of the techniques offered above or others, then you'll find you'll become a more likable person. You might even be able to mend bridges that once were burned, or realize that your are a better, happier person without those people.
Just remember it starts with you, not with others. |
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I think Ame sums this up pretty well Allen and I would heed her words. I have tried not to comment on your behaviour myself in the past but I believe I should.
You came to these forums from another online community complaining about being a victim of persecution and bullying, and we took you at face value without any reason to believe otherwise.
However from pretty much every post I have read of yours they have mostly been complaints about the way people treat you badly, or things that have been done to you by others.
The thing is you tend to go off the deep end about the most trivial of issues with people that are, and lets face it, essentially just acquaintances at the end of the day. These are people you have either never met or may have met once or twice in person, yet you proclaim some unyielding bond towards them.
This unnerves people Allen and this is where I think part of your problems stem from.
Saying things like you feel they were a member of your family, or your bestest friends ever, is I'm sorry to say just plain weird. There is no getting around that, it just is. No one you meet online, not even if you were shopping for a future bride, could be considered family or a best friend unless you actually spend time with that person, in person. And I mean real time, not just meeting someone a couple of times on a day out.
Let us take for example one of your recent rants where someone met you at a convention and then friended you on Facebook. Later they un-friended you to which you erupted with a rant on this forum and tried to generate some sort of hate campaign by pointing people towards their Facebook profile, something I had to warn you about incedently.
| quote: | Originally posted by AllentownDarkWater
All I did was ask this person if they had anymore pictures of them in a certain costume they wore and if they had Skype. |
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From the quote above can you not see anything in what you have asked of them that would not be considered weird or unnerving?
This person does not know you, they met you.... once. They did however extend the courtesy of friending you on Facebook because they obviously thought you were a nice guy, as people here have done, but at some point, and your above quote elicits this point nicely, you creeped them out.
Lets me try this on yourself. Say you and I met once at a convention and I asked if we could friend on Facebook after probably spending say several hours with yourself. You think, yeah why not he seemed a nice chap, what harm can it do?
Then maybe after a few weeks I ask you for your phone number and the address of where you lived. Then I message you several times asking how you are and when we can meet next. Then after this I start asking you for photos of yourself in say a wetsuit because we had been to a surfing convention.
Would that not make you pause for a minute and think "Hey, woah there, wait a minute I met this guy once at a public event and now he wants to see pictures of me and call me up? Wtf?", I'm pretty sure it would.
Now recently you say you have fallen out with several people on this site because they are distancing themselves from you and unfriending you on Facebook.
Maybe you shouldn't be asking them why they have done this to you, but maybe ask yourself what you have done to them to make them take such action?
And if you cannot honestly think of any reason, leave it at that. Why get worked up about it? In the grand scheme of things what does it matter that some online acquaintance stops speaking to you? Does your life end? Do you lose all your money? Your health? No, so don't upset yourself.
In the end if they ever wanted to be your friend they will always come back to you and then the decision is yours whether or not to accept them.
I am now going to close this thread since I do not see anything constructive about keeping it going, please try to take what has been said here and digest it, people care Allen. Heck if I didn't I'd have banned you already 
__________________
Thanks Cep
Gatchamania.net Administrator 
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27-03-2012 17:39
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Members browsing this thread: none
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Thread Closed by: Unknown
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