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Kitsu
Exalted Member
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Registration Date: 27-05-2016
Posts: 153
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There's not enough Xanax and Calgon in the world...
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Seriously, there's not enough Xanax and Calgon in the world to take me far enough away at this point...
My father-in-law has been going in this downward spiral since I last wrote. It's really too much to get into right now. But I will say, he is the most unappreciative bastard I've ever encountered. He's been demanding of my hubby, runs him like a chicken with his head cut off (and he has a full time and a part time job). I went to a lot of trouble to cook him low sodium, low carb meals. Never did we hear a thank you and my food was criticized. There were some other cruel things said about me, too. At that point, I said the hell with him and decided I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
At the moment, he's been in the hospital for about 3 weeks. His heart is failing badly (he has congestive heart failure) and everything is starting to shut down, particularly his kidneys. They want to put in a heart pump, but I don't think he understands how poor his quality of life will be afterward and he'll need full time care 24/7. None of us have time for that except me and I refuse to take care of him because of how he treats me.
I don't know how things are going to go from here... At this point, I just want his suffering and ours to be over...
Sorry if I keep beating a dead horse. I'm just feeling really stressed and frustrated lately... 
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16-05-2019 16:59
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Julieann
Newbie
I am an Eagle.
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Registration Date: 03-09-2010
Posts: 43
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18-05-2019 09:06
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GrumpyGhostOwl
Master Boardie
I am an Owl.
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Registration Date: 04-12-2016
Posts: 705
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My first husband's mother didn't like me at all. Her criticism was rarely overt, but it was sly and, well, let's be honest, bitchy. She didn't like the fact that my father was a public servant (same as hers) or that we didn't have fancy cars or wear designer clothes, and worst of all, not only was I Catholic, I'm not white!
When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I rolled up my sleeves and bogged in. The relationship remained cool and she still got the odd little dig and moments of sabotage in, but as she got sicker and sicker, and my husband basically abandoned her (it was all about him, apparently) she changed. One day she blinked back tears and said, "I was wrong about you. I'm so sorry." By then I was able to shrug and say, "Water under the bridge," and mean it.
By the time she passed away, we had become friends and I no longer felt any resentment toward her.
If her illness had been shorter, my mother in law might not have had time to reflect. The end of life process stripped away all her pretence and snobbery. By the time she went to the hospice we were just two women dealing with a shitty situation, more like sisters than anything else, despite the age difference.
If you feel strong enough, and you feel the time may be right, it may be worthwhile visiting at some point, even if it's just to hold your husband's hand while he goes through all the anticipatory grief. Many patients approaching the end of life want to make their peace with people they've hurt. Others don't. At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you. Everyone's situation is different and only you can make the call.
Whatever you decide, it's going to be a hard road ahead. I wish you the strength and the grace to deal with it as best you can.
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If you see me talking to myself, just move along: we're having a team meeting.
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27-05-2019 05:16
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Kitsu
Exalted Member
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Registration Date: 27-05-2016
Posts: 153
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GGO: Your relationship with your MIL sounds a lot like mine was. She never did say she was wrong about me, but I think she felt that she was. Same thing, she had cancer and we had time to form a better bond.
I want to thank everyone for all the support. My FIL actually passed last week, which we weren't expecting. They scoped the inside of his heart to check the pressure (I had no idea blood pressure and pressure inside the heart were different). Later that afternoon, his heart stopped and they had to do CPR as well as use the paddles. It started again, but he was in so much pain he said he didn't want it again. At that point, the meds they were pumping into his were all that were keeping him alive, so my hubby and his brothers decided to stop the meds once everyone had a chance to see him that day. Amazingly, he made it over 12 hours before he had yet another heart attack and passed. It was a blessing for me. Aside from him no longer suffering, OUR suffering had ended. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders!
Tomorrow is his funeral... I'll be there for my hubby and kids. No matter what kind of hell he put me through, I'll be there for them. That's what really matters.
But seriously, thanks, guys, for all the support and advice. It's really helped me through the worst of it. 
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27-05-2019 16:44
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Julieann
Newbie
I am an Eagle.
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 03-09-2010
Posts: 43
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29-05-2019 02:54
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