*sigh*

It always depresses me. Got home yesterday from visiting my great-grandmother. I like visiting her. Sure, she can be repetitive, but it's always nice to see her. She's 93, that's all. People have a right to be repititve at that age.

But it hurts so bad when she gets caught up on the fact that only one of her living daughters visits, or heck, even calls her. My late grandmother used to visit Granny all the time. One of her sisters visits Granny twice a week to help get things, like groceries or take her to hair appointments. The other two don't even acknowledge her. No visits, no letters, no phone calls. When will they learn? Time is running out for them. Sure, they live a couple of hours away, but would it hurt for them to call for a half-hour or so every now and then?

If there's one thing that I absolutely HATE about this country, it's our treatment of the elderly.

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What if there is a spoon?

I think so too.

after my grandfather died I always went to see my nan three times a week, and my father (not her son, but son in law) visited for a few minutes most days.

when she became ill I moved in with her and was preparing for a long stay. It was awkward because she didnt want me underfoot all the time and I am not cut out to be a carer.

But she died after a month. I was very thankful I was able to look after her to the end.

in many middle and far eastern countries they treat the elderly with far more respect than we do.

I have just been to see Bob, who lives at the bottom of the street, he is disabled and cant get out much, but many people help him.

Now that broadband is in the village a perennial delight for him is the NY webcams...he has never visited a city before.

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"If you think I am a Condor, you may keep that opinion;
Though I am no Condor, my Skylines rusty enough."

We don't make time for the elderly, and we rush to leave home in the first place.

I wonder if it's because, deep down, we're a nation of immigrants. My inlaws left Romania right after WW2, leaving behind their families. I'm third generation Canadian, but every root of my family has a tradition of leaving home at 18 for school or work. Maybe it's the distance -- many of us don't live near a post-secondary school that meets our needs. And then work, especially if both you and your partner need a job.

So, we've turned it into a virtue -- living on our own, independent, responsible for ourselves. Definitely has some good points, but we're missing out, too.

My neigbour's son missed out on playschool, but enjoyed time with his Nona. Rocket's playmate's grandfather is able to spend more time with his grandchildren than with his own kids; they manage to mix group and family and independent activities well.

The distances make things harder later, too. When Grandma moved, she had to leave her friends, the lady at the bank, the grocer who knew her, her doctor, her favourite walk. Finding her a new doctor was very difficult, as they're in short supply here.

When my FIL asked his parents to come over from Romania, they didn't want to. A decade later, when the family went back for a visit, she wanted to come over, but it was too late. She would not have been able to communicate, and she was terrified of driving over 30 kph. Fortunately, another family over there adopted her -- they moved in, treated her as a grandmother, and inheritted the house.

The nursing home situation here makes it even harder. If you take in a relative, even just while waiting for a nursing home, they're taken off the list. They only go back on when their condition changes, and the new list can be years long.

When we were looking for a place for Grandma, they had just combined all the lists in the province; there was a good chance that she'd be put in yet another city. Good if you're desparate for any place, but not if you want to stay close.

Still, the independent life has compensations. We learn we can do because we have to. Nursing yourself through a fever is good practice for hubby or kid. A few years away can solidify the "two adults" relationship in a way that growing up and staying might not. Visits are special. Kids learn to write thank you notes and mail them.

Guess it's like anything, really. There's no perfect solution; best we can do is play the hand we're dealt.

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Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

- Viktor E. Frankl

The one memory I have of mt grandmother was that she was in a sheltered accomodation complex. SHe was visited but various members of the family throughout the week and was pretty much the lynch pin of our family.

Unfortunately she died shortly after my son got out of hospital when he was born.

My son grew up with his nan being his child minder while I worked, this was after he was in full time nursery before that he was surrounded by extended family. Now at 16 his nan is still a feature in his life and she lives in sheltered accomodation (a choice she made as it meant she had back up and can still be independant). I dont see her as often as I would like but that is for a variety of reasons.

I dont know what the future will bring I do know I am having enough fun trying to sort through the here and now and that more than anything prevents visits. As far as my sons paternal grandparents are concerned I try to help them keep in touch but as his father and I are divorced and his father wants nothing to do with our son its hard for my son to cope with visits as his dad lives with his parents.

You see Elvin its not just the elderly that dont get looked after at times some people are like that with every generation.

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Like the Phoenix I rise from the fire. Beware all who try to tame me, you may get burned

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That's no ordinary sea anemone!!