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Buffy
Boardie
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Registration Date: 25-07-2001
Posts: 382
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10-07-2005 22:34
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Buffy
Boardie
0 fics uploaded
Registration Date: 25-07-2001
Posts: 382
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SJ Posted this on another site. I'll ressurect it because I thought it was accurately funny as hell:
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Hurricane Categories
Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged, housecats meow slightly more loudly. Plan for these storms by duct taping your shrubs, kicking the cat, and shaking your fist triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such a weak-ass storm at you.
Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker looking trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain. Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your property, as well as duct taping Xs on your windows. This lets the wind know not to blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else snaps it up.
Category 3: "Deeply Frightening." Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart explosively, healthy trees surrender. Planning: duct tape everything on your property, including the dog. Buy plywood and nail it over the windows-after first duct taping Xs over the glass. Purchase bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.
Category 4: "Holy Shit." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air, walls bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland, entire regions disappear completely. Planning: Cover your entire house with duct tape Xs to try and fool the hurricane into thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much wood as you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and your family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water and bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.
Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked up several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and swallows mankind whole. Planning: screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace with your God, Whomever He, She or It may be.
__________________
"Spider sense....tingling."
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10-07-2005 22:36
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Mallanox : "My mother was Irish and my father was an alien. I was an only child and I dress funny." 