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--- About my cat (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=4643)
So sorry to hear about your cat Victoria. I lost a pet a few years back, it's hard. At least she is in a better place where she won't suffer.
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Hang in there, Gatchaman
I'm so sorry Victoria. I know how hard it is to lose a pet you love very much.
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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...
I'm sorry Victoria. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
I know I'm supposed to think of all the good times I had with her, but every time I look at the sunset or at the flowers blooming in my garden, I just think she won't be here anymore, and I don't really want to go out. Today I've put her bowls a toys away. I just feel so guilty. It's like I was supposed to do more. If I took her to the vet instead of going to work, she might have been still alive. And every time I feel good, I remember of the moment I found her.
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Die Sonne tönt, nach alter Weise, In Brudersphären Wettgesang, und ihre vorgeschriebne Reise, vollendet sie mit Donnergang.
My fanart is here
*huge hugs* Grief sucks and hurts ... I'm sure she's curled up now somewhere in your garden in the sun, content that she's cared for and got to have a home.
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Eagle Whisperer
Oh Victoria, that's quite normal. You're still grieving your loss, there's no right or wrong way to deal with grief. You did everything you could to help her.
Give yourself time and let the emotion flow naturally, and soon the sadness will make way for all the fond memories you shared with your beloved pet.
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Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope. - HELEN KELLER
Give yourself time, Victoria. There's been a major change in your life.
Back when I was 16, one of my dogs died in my arms as my mom and I were rushing to the vet; we had three other dogs, and I kept feeling incredibly guilty because I continued to get four treats to give them before I'd go to school. But I eventually adjusted, and you will, too.
You just have to be patient with yourself and stop second-guessing what you did. Your kitten wouldn't hold anything against you, and neither should you.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
I keep on trying not to be too miserable at work, but I think I'm failing. I can't laugh at any joke or smile at anything at all, yet at the same time I'm reluctant to speak of the reason. I mean, technically speaking, it was just a cat and I'm overreacting, and this is how everyone is going to see this. (I told my colleague and she asked me whether I want a new kitten. I almost burst into tears again) But for me she was more. I keep wondering whether animals have any perception of death. Whether she was afraid. Even though she died at home, she died alone. I dug a grave and prayed for her. I'll go to the market and buy some roses to plant on her grave, but that's not going to make her any feel better. I wonder why am I even doing that. But then again, it's not like I can just forget about her and continue with my routine as if nothing happened.
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Die Sonne tönt, nach alter Weise, In Brudersphären Wettgesang, und ihre vorgeschriebne Reise, vollendet sie mit Donnergang.
My fanart is here
I'm sorry about your cat, animals are family members and losing them is just as hard as losing any other family member. Do you have access to a grief counselor? I don't think you are over reacting, but you may be overwhelmed, if I read your previous post correctly. One lose may be bearable, but having one on top of another can wear anyone down.
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Perspective Alters Reality
I agree with Amethyst, it does add up. Talking to a professional couldn't hurt. I also don't know about where you live, but in North America people have gotten much more understanding about grief when losing a furry family member. You might find that your co-workers are sympathetic. Some people deal with grief by immediately wanting to fill that hole, I'm sure that's why they asked if you want another.
I think planting something in her memory is a lovely gesture.
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Eagle Whisperer
I'm so sorry to hear that she passed away.
You're not overreacting, Victoria.
When I lost my puppy I didn't attend to the university classes almost two weeks.
Let yourself release tears enough. As Amethyst advised, I recommend to see a counselor because you'd been through too much sadness recently.
Mental illness should be treated just same as physical injuries.
The others make a good point -- you have had a lot of loss recently, so it's not overreacting to feel the loss of the kitten so intensely. If it's possible, then perhaps seeking professional counseling would be a good idea.
But, if it's not a possibility for you, would you consider to a priest or minister about your grief? (While I don't know what your religious views are -- and I hope I'm not intruding by making this suggestion -- I've found that a caring member of the clergy can supply emotional support while you work through trying times.)
We're still here for you, Victoria. You'll get through this.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Don't be so hard on yourself. It has barely been a week now since you lost your kitty. It takes time to grieve and there is no set timetable for how long that timetable is. It has not even been 6 months since you lost a parent. I lost someone who was a parent to me in all but name back in April as well and I still tear up at times thinking her. Everyone grieves in their own way for their own amount of time. Just because the loved one you lost was not human does not make it any less of a loss.
It is human nature to second guess yourself. Would taking her to the vet that day instead of going to work have made a difference? Maybe yes but maybe no as well. Taking her back in might not have made any difference. A case in point, we had a cat who became diabetic. No matter what we did we could not seem to get the diabetes under control. One day our vet was unavailable and the cat crashed so we took her to the vet schools 24 hour emergency clinic. The vet student examining our cat noticed that she could not feel the cat's kidneys so called in the attending vet. Come to find out the kidneys were so completely covered with tumors they were no longer recognizable. We ended up losing this cat to kidney cancer not the diabetes but we lost her just the same. In your case there may have been something else wrong with your cat and that kept her from getting better just like our cat had the cancer that was interfering with the diabetes treatment. In your case like mine no matter what you did the end result might have been the same.
I know it doesn't feel much like it now but it will get better with enough time. All I can do is say how sorry I am for all the loved ones you have lost recently, hope that what i have said helps a little(and didn't offend) and send you more virtual hugs.
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No matter how much cats fight there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
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