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Posted by Ebonyswanne on 07-02-2017 at 22:50:

Teams rules for their kids dating

This has been around for a while. Being a mum of four daughters my DH has his work cut out for him. (He's an Eagle in personality.) He has indicated he might want a copy for the wall in a few years. I will have 4 teenagers at once...

Could you imagine being a teenage boy wanting to date the daughter of of the birds with teenage kids.

The Eagle and the Condor both have daughters being asked out on dates... I think this is the start of their rules list as fathers.

That kid had better be afraid... very afraid.

Rules for dating my daughter.
By The Eagle and the Condor.

You better get a real day job.
Donā€™t work for evil organisations.
If I find out you are, your mine.
If you lie to me, I will torture you, slowly.
I make you go away if I donā€™t like you.
Iā€™m everywhere, so no parking, Iā€™m watching you, always.
Hurt her- I will maime you.
Whatever you do to hurt her. I will remove limps, starting with your fingers- refer to torture.
Death has no meaning to me.
Don't fuck with me. I know martial arts, swords, guns, weapons of mass destruction.
I know where you live, hang out. I have intel on you.
Iā€™m not afraid of prison.

Please sign terms of conditions in the space below.

__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.

Posted by GrumpyGhostOwl on 08-02-2017 at 00:19:

LOL!

Or the short version for posting on Twitter (the formatting may not be correct - I don't Tweet since there's no mobile phone coverage out here):

@KenTheEagle: In the event you do something I don't like, please indicate your preference: cremation or burial.

@CondorJoe: @KentheEagle Why bother? They'll never find the body.

@KenTheEagle: @CondorJoe Jun said I had to be nice.

@CondorJoe: @KenTheEagle I'm not nice.

@KenTheEagle: @CondorJoe That's a given, but your wife isn't as scary as mine.

__________________
If you see me talking to myself, just move along: we're having a team meeting.

Posted by ChrisW on 08-02-2017 at 03:07:

LOL and more LOL!

How about :

* If she consents and really wants to have sex, and you don't use a condom, I will geld you.

__________________
Eagle Whisperer

Posted by Ebonyswanne on 08-02-2017 at 09:26:

*If you want to have sex with my darling baby girl. Don't even think about touching her, refer to the above list if you do. Got it!

*If you want to propose marriage to my daughter. You have to pass a full FBI, INTERPOL, NINJA test, fail any of these. Think about moving to another planet.

* If your caught fooling around behind her back. Note that I can shoot a can of cola at 100000000 yards. You think you can escape me?

__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.

Posted by GrumpyGhostOwl on 08-02-2017 at 10:15:

In the unlikely event you escape me, I'd like to introduce you to her uncle...

__________________
If you see me talking to myself, just move along: we're having a team meeting.