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--- Sorry for the absence (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=5167)
Posted by Kitsu on 30-08-2016 at 01:29:
Sorry for the absence
I wanted to apologize for my being absent. I've been having some personal issues. My mother in law has been suffering with liver cancer for almost a year now and, sadly, the radiation and chemo have not worked. She was given, at most, a year. For the last six months or so she's been going downhill so we've been spending as much time with her as we can.
Tonight we learned that she is beginning to turn jaundice and they made arrangements for hospice care. I fear it won't be much longer.
I hope you all understand why I haven't been around for a while.. This has been very hard on my husband and kids... even me.
So if you can, keep us in your thoughts and I'll be back as soon as I can.
I miss you all.
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Posted by Springie on 30-08-2016 at 01:50:
Oh, Kitsu, we all know how RL can get in the way. I'm so sorry about your mother-in-law...my thoughts and prayers will be with you.
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Posted by ElectricWhite on 30-08-2016 at 01:56:
There's no need to apologize, Kitsu. You're going through an especially rough time, and what kind of people would we be if we didn't understand that? Do what you need to do; we're here when you need us. 
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ChrisW on 30-08-2016 at 04:21:
*hugs* I lost my father to liver cancer last year. Take care of yourself! It'll help you keep your strength to take care of others.
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Eagle Whisperer
Posted by Redbird on 30-08-2016 at 22:24:
Your family is more important, Kitsu. We'll be here when you're ready. My thoughts are with you 
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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...
Posted by Becky Rock on 30-08-2016 at 23:55:
Kitsu, there's nothing to apologize for. We're here to help you through this. Don't hesitate to let us know when you need a shoulder.
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by Transmute Jun on 01-09-2016 at 13:22:
RL is always more important. This site will be here when you need it.
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Posted by littlewolf on 06-09-2016 at 10:39:
Oh Kitsu.....there are no words...there are moments in life that are beyond hard and so prolonged that you loose part of yourself and you will never be the same again, they take so much out of you and you just go on auto-pilot just to get through each day, sometimes it seem so pointless and frustrating, because you just want to do something, fix it , wave a magic wand, wake up and wish it was just a bad dream.
Like so many here, the last few years have been traumatizing, and I know it hard to speak to people about it, sometimes it takes to much effort and at the moment you are trying to keep you and your family standing,
I'm not going to say it gets better or easier, sometimes times doesn't make things less hurtful,
What I'm going to send you is love and hugs and hope that you get a few good nights sleep, just so you can recharge a little to keep going and do what you need to do...oh and sometimes just stop for a minute and breathe deeply in and out, in and out
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May the bad things get lost on the way to you door!
Posted by Kitsu on 20-09-2016 at 16:44:
I couldn't ask for a more wonderful bunch of friends. You're all so supportive and have offered me such kindness that I just don't have words... <3
I have an update on my mother-in-law... She's gotten so much worse in such a short time. She's no longer able to get up on her own, not even to sit up when she's laying down on the sofa and she has a wheelchair for when she needs to be moved from one room to the other. She sleeps the majority of the time, even through visits, and she's starting to get confused.
I've been having a really rough time of things. I have myself so thoroughly convinced that I can't afford the luxury of crying because I have too many people to take care of that I couldn't at all, not even when I was alone. I've been making myself physically sick over all this because my nerves are so shot. Even medication isn't helping much anymore because the stress is just getting to be so great. My memory is horrible at the moment, my hair is falling out... And the worst part is that when she finally passes, I'll fell a sense of relief, not so much because HER suffering is over, but more because OURS is. And then I'll feel guilty for that even though I realize this is, in a way, a normal reaction.
But I can't worry about those things... My husband and kids (at the very least) need someone to be strong. And so I suffer silently and, as littlewolf said, run on auto pilot.
Sorry for the vent... I really need someone to know how shitty I feel and to tell me it's okay that I do, I suppose...
I don't think it will be much longer now, sadly. So send lots of positive vibes, okay? I really need them right now.
Thanks for being such wonderful friends *hugs to everyone* <3
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Posted by ChrisW on 20-09-2016 at 19:42:
It's definitely okay that you feel shitty. And remember that you can't take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself. Find some way to let out all the tears and stress before it devours you. :/
I know when my father died that part of me was relieved for the sake of the living, but also for him. He was so miserable toward the end and honestly, I felt like he was free and no longer suffering. I still cried, etc., but it's certainly okay and natural to feel both.
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Eagle Whisperer
Posted by ElectricWhite on 20-09-2016 at 19:49:
I'm so sorry, Kitsu. You're going through an indescribable pain and sorrow...I wish we could simply say a word and make it all go away. But we can't do that -- all we can do is hope and pray for the best as well as being a shoulder for you to cry on.
And, by the way, CRY! It's not a luxury -- it's a necessity. You're already suffering physical harm from keeping everything in, and it will only get worse if you keep holding everything in. You need to take care of yourself -- even if it's just a little bit. What good would you be if you end up in the hospital?
We're here for you -- vent as much as you want.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by Becky Rock on 22-09-2016 at 00:13:
From my own experience this last year and In talking to others who have lost parents/in-laws in the past year or so, all have said they experienced the two sided coin of knowing their loved one was suffering and is now no longer in pain and is at piece and feeling relief that they can get on with their lives. It's a normal feeling. It doesn't make the person bad but it is a normal part of the grieving process.
I agree with EW - if you feel you have to cry, then cry. Your husband and children are probably expecting you to do so and might even be getting worried that you haven't done so.
*HUGS*
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by Redbird on 22-09-2016 at 11:13:
My thoughts are with you, Kitsu.
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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...
Posted by Kitsu on 08-11-2016 at 17:44:
I wanted to update everyone on what's been going on...
My mother-in-law passed away October 16th, sometime after midnight. It was an incredibly difficult week, lots of emotions running high, people saying things they didn't mean because they were grief stricken... It was just horrible. To make matters worse, none of our "friends" really bothered to see how we were. And we only received 2 sympathy cards, one from a friend of mine and one from the CEO of the company my husband works for. So not only were we grieving and having to deal with our loss, but then I find out that our so called "friends" are shits who can't even shoot a text or make a call and say, "How are you all holding up?" Because I didn't have enough to deal with.
It took me almost 3 weeks after her passing before I literally just fell to pieces. I tried so hard to cry, but nothing was happening. When it finally did, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
But there's still some stress. My father-in-law is not taking this well. He's very lonesome and we've been spending way too much time at his house. I think it's time he starts coming to our house, but he has little interest in that. He wants us to come to him all the time. But this isn't good for any of us. I need to get him to take baby steps, maybe come over to our house once a week at least.
So if you don't hear from me for a bit, that's why. I'm just dealing with a lot of shit right now. I'm trying to get everyone's lives back to something close to normal. It's taking all my effort and I'm seeing little results. It's frustrating.
Thanks to all of you for being so supportive and helpful during these rough times. Love you all! 
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Posted by ElectricWhite on 08-11-2016 at 18:50:
I'm so sorry for you, Kitsu. I had a similar situation with "friends" when my mom died. Unfortunately, I can't advise you on how to deal with them -- some don't know what to do when others are in severely stressful situations so they shy away, others are just total sh**heads. Just don't forget that we're here for you and we understand why you haven't been participating.
I can understand your concern for your father-in-law. Maybe he needs a little more time to recover from this loss. Have you talked to somebody about his situation? Maybe a counselor or somebody from the clergy could give you some ideas on how to help him.
In the meantime, I'll keep you in my thoughts.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by Springie on 08-11-2016 at 21:24:
So sorry, Kitsu! 
We will be here whenever you need support or a break from reality...
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Posted by Redbird on 08-11-2016 at 23:44:
I'm so sorry to hear this Kitsu! We are here whenever you feel like popping in, no worries.
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This is exactly what I was going to say. Many times, people just don't know what to say or do, in situations like this.
Does your FIL have any friends in the area that could check in with him, or make lunch dates with him, just so he has some company, etc?
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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...
Posted by ChrisW on 09-11-2016 at 02:39:
*hugs* What EW said. It also might be good to look into seniors' groups/services and support groups for widowers in his area. Hang in there!
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Eagle Whisperer
Posted by Kitsu on 21-11-2016 at 16:22:
Thanks guys, it means a lot that you're all here to support me
I've been kind of antisocial lately, even in real life. There are just a lot of things going on... It's just hard for me to be around people.
I've done some thinking about my friends these past few weeks and realized that many of them just haven't been there period. Not for good times or bad... just not at all.
And ever since the election, I feel like I'm in an episode of The Twilight Zone, "Eye of the Beholder". You know, that one where the norm was to look like a pig nosed version of the creature from the black lagoon and the pretty blonde woman was considered normal... I'm just feeing like all the people I knew are suddenly turning into pig nosed people and I'm the abnormal blonde woman because I'm not thrilled with the outcome. Hell, I wouldn't have been happy either way. So I've just been trying to stay away from everyone for a while until this (hopefully) calms down. I haven't even gone on Facebook in about a week or so.
But there has been some good that came out of this. My father in law actually left the house for 2 days! Some of his friends invited him to go hunting at their cabin. I'm against hunting myself, but I know he loves it. I was constantly asking my hubby when he would talk to him, "He's still going, right? He's going hunting, right? He's going to get the hell out of the house, hang out with friends, right?!" I was thrilled when he went! He seemed a lot happier when he came home. But it really hasn't lasted long, as I figured it wouldn't. I'm going to look into the things you guys suggested, senior programs, counseling, friends, clergy... Eventually, when a little more time has passed, I'm going to suggest a part time job and a pet. I know he said he'd never have another dog after my hubby's dog passed (the dog lived with them because we had lived in apartments for years that didn't allow dogs) and he's not fond of cats, but he needs something. I'm thinking a cat... They're easier to care for and handle, they don't need to go outside and as long as they have food, water and fresh litter, they could care less if you go out for hours at a time. Plus petting one and purring is soothing, it can sit on his lap, he can talk to it, it'll keep him company... He had been caring for my mother in law for such a long time that I don't think he knows what to do with himself now that he has nothing and no one to care for.
The main thing is that, for any of us to have a life again, he needs to figure out how to have one. I've got a lot of work ahead of me.
Thanks for all the love and support, guys. You don't know how much it's meant to me and helped me out. Happy Thanksgiving!
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Posted by ElectricWhite on 21-11-2016 at 17:23:
I'm glad to see there's some progress! It might not seem like much right now, but it looks like things are going in the right direction. (And don't worry about how you feel about the election -- a lot of people are going through the same thing. For almost a week I found dealing with poor winners especially draining. Anyway, the broadcast networks seem to be calming down a bit; I've finally been able to watch some parts of the news shows.)
If you do decide to get him a pet, could I suggest you try taking him to a shelter? That way, you might have an easier time finding a "furever" friend -- a kind of a "love at first sight" scenario.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
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