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--- The Long, Duck Night (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=4616)
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:08:
The Long, Duck Night
The solstice is nearly upon us. So, to honor a time when one part of the day is waaaaay longer than the other, I’ve written a new Gatchamania piece.
.....Okay, I’ll admit it – I couldn’t come up with a decent intro, but I couldn’t bring myself to go with “Hey, read this!” and throw a story at you! And before Daniella can yell at me (again and again) about leaving this off:
NOSE COLA WARNING!
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:09:
Just off the main courtyard of the Gatchamania. net site is a door. There is nothing remarkable about this door except for a plaque engraved with the word “Guru”. Behind this door were a couple of Gatchamaniacs getting into mountain climbing gear.
“Julie,” Redbird said as she tucked a lock of fiery red hair under a helmet, “is this really necessary?”
“Well,” Julie replied as she checked her harness, “this is the only place we haven’t looked. And unless you want to look through the Little Library by yourself...”
“Uh, no thanks.” Redbird still had the occasional flashback to the last time she was in the Little Library by herself....every book there came crashing down without warning, and that was when the library was just two books shy of having the same number as the Library of Congress. Since then, James acquired a few more reference books, so the Little Library now has 77 more books than the Library of Congress.
There was a knock at the door an instant before Daniella T stuck her head into the room. “I was wondering where you two had gone!”
“Well,” Julie replied, “Redbird – and a few other newbies – had some questions for James.” She pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Daniella. “We checked all the other places, but he wasn’t there.”
“So we’re going to the Guru spot.” Redbird explained while Daniella unfolded and glanced at the paper.
“That’s quite a list.” Daniella muttered. Then she added, “But why are you wearing climbing gear to get to the G-spot?”
“Weren’t you listening?” Julie sounded a bit exasperated as she went to a door opposite from the one Daniella used. She pulled the door open to reveal the base of a mountain on the other side. Her eyes drifted upward as she tried to see the summit of a half-sized replica of the Matterhorn through a layer of clouds. “James is in the Guru Cave, and I don’t know of anybody who can climb up there without the right equipment.” With that, she gestured for Redbird to follow and started toward the mountain.
“But you don’t have to –” Daniella started to say.
“Sorry, can’t talk!” Julie called behind her, “We’ve got a HUGE climb!”
* * * * *
“How was that?” he asked.
“Even better than the last time.” she replied breathlessly.
“Are you sure? I can do it again –”
“Well....okay. This time, do you think you could be a little more...seductive?”
“Okay.” Brian leaned in toward the laptop’s microphone. “Quack.”
A silent moment passed. “Oh,” Greta breathed, “if I were a duck right now...”
As far as Gatchageeks go, Greta seemed to be a slightly odd bird. She wore the standard khaki slacks and polo shirt, but the winged cape and helmet looked like a mallard duck, not the usual Eagle, Condor, Swan, Swallow, or Owl. When Greta approached Brian about “utilizing his vocal talent”, he assumed she wanted him to make a voicemail message – after all, he did offer to do that for anybody at Gatchamania when he first joined. Instead, she asked him to quack – not quack like a duck but say the word “quack”...seductively.
Maybe this is what ChrisW meant when she pulled him aside and said, “Be careful with offering to say things or you'll have a list of requests!”
* * * * *
After 2 ½ hours of climbing, Julie and Redbird pulled themselves into the mouth of a cave and collapsed.
“I hope” Redbird moaned between gasps, “he can answer all the questions.”
“He will.” Julie wheezed, “You’ll see.”
A few minutes later they pulled themselves to their feet and trudged into the cave. They went around a curve and found Daniella playing solitaire as she sat at a card table.
“What the – ?!” Redbird cried.
“Oh, hello.” Daniella had such a casual tone that she almost seemed bored.
“How did you get here ahead of us?” Julie was hoarse.
“I took the lift.” Daniella pointed to the set of elevator doors behind her.
Julie and Redbird gawked in disbelief.
“I tried to tell you,” Daniella said, “that you didn’t have to climb.”
“All right.” Julie sighed, “Could you at least tell me where James is?”
“I gave him your list of questions, and he went back down to look up a couple of things.”
Julie and Redbird looked at each other, sighed, and turned around to leave.
“Wait a minute,” Daniella cried, “where are you going?”
“We’re gonna try to catch up with James.” Redbird replied.
Daniella blinked at them. “The lift?”
Redbird and Julie exchanged tired looks, let out a weary chuckle, and trudged toward the elevator doors.
* * * * *
Becky Rock stood under a tree in Gatchamania’s main courtyard with two of the most often seen Gatchageeks, Gary and Gina. One of the lesser-known Gatchageeks named Gerald had joined them. His wings and helmet were of the Swallow, though he was built like a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers.
“Okay,” Gina said, “let’s try this one: what do you call a bear with no teeth?”
“I don’t know.” Becky replied.
“A gummy bear!”
The other geeks groaned. Becky blinked a couple of times and then shrugged. “Sorry.” she said, “I don’t get it.”
“Let me try.” Gary jumped in. “What do you call three rabbits jumping backwards?”
The others shrugged.
“A receding hare line!” Gary crowed.
Becky shook her head. “Sorry. I don’t get that one, either.”
“Well, Gerald said, “let me try...why can’t the pirate get through the alphabet?”
“I dunno.” Gina answered, “Why?”
“He keeps getting lost at ‘C’!”
Becky mulled it over a bit. “That just makes no sense to me.”
Two other members were just within earshot. They shook their heads and quietly chuckled a bit before moving off toward another tree.
“Okay,” they heard Gary say as they left, “what do you call a camel with no humps?”
“If that isn’t a lost cause...” the one in the wheelchair said as they moved along.
“Yeah.” Amethyst replied, “Getting Becky to understand a joke...well, you’d have better luck getting Congress to take a pay cut.”
They stopped two trees away from the Gatchageeks. ”Anyway,” Amethyst said, “what’s on your mind, EW? Why did you want to talk to me?”
“Well,” ElectricWhite replied without looking at Amethyst, “I...well, I think I might of upset a newbie a little bit...sort of....” She squirmed in her chair a little and still avoided looking at Amethyst.
“Maybe you should tell me what happened.” Amethyst sat down on the bench under the tree and made herself comfortable, “And make sure you don’t leave out any detail.”
Brian leaned against the rail of the walkway a couple of stories above the main courtyard of the Gatchamania site, straining to see the opposite end of the building.
“Hey,” EW said as she rolled up beside him, “what’s up?”
“Oh, hi.” he replied as he straightened up, “I was just trying to get a handle on...well...” he made a broad, general gesture toward the courtyard, “everything!”
EW blinked a couple of times while a slightly confused look flashed across her face.
“Is there some sort of schedule for the times this place changes? The last time I was here, the courtyard was about the length of a football field. But now,” he pointed toward the opposite wall, “I’m not sure I can see the other end of the building.”
“There’s no schedule or anything resembling a regular, set time.” she replied, “Sorry.”
He thought a moment. “So why does this place change?”
“I like to think there’s a reason –”
“So what is it?”
“That’s just my theory. Some people think it’s caused by some strange convergence of the string and chaos theories, and others think the Katse Clan figured out how to do it just to annoy everyone else.”
“Oh.”
An awkward moment passed.
“Well, anyway,” EW finally said, “I’m glad I bumped into you – I just listened to the final installment of the audiobook.”
“So, what did you think –?”
“My face hurts from smiling so much.”
“Really? You liked it?”
“Yeah, and not just because you chose my work...”
“This was the first time anybody ever wrote me into a story as a character!” Brian cried, “I recorded it as a token of appreciation. I just hope you liked it.”
“I did. And I do –”
“I just hope I did your work justice.”
She blinked a couple of times. Did I suddenly start speaking in Ancient Egyptian? she thought, Why is he acting like I’m lying about liking it?
“You did!” she cried, “And that’s on top of the thrill I got when you said I inspired you to give my story the audiobook treatment!”
“This was the first time I’ve recorded an audiobook, and I had fun doing it. I hope that – gaaa!”
Without warning, EW had reached up, grabbed Brian by his shirt collar, and pulled him down until he was at her eye level.
“Listen!” she cried, her voice quivering, “I like what you’ve done! I really, really do! How can I get you to understand?”
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:10:
She was so focused on seeing some hint of comprehension that she didn’t notice other things...
“Do I need a thesaurus?”
...such as Brian trying to pry her fingers loose...
“Should I try pantomime?”
...or his eyes watering...
“Would pictures work?”
...or his skin taking on an unhealthy pallor...
“Interpretive dance?”
...or that he didn’t seem to be breathing much...
“What? What will it take for you to get it? I just – ”
“Erm,” littlewolf had suddenly appeared next to them, “is everything all right?”
“Here, hold this!” EW replied, taking littlewolf’s hands and wrapping her fingers around the wadded-up lump Brian’s shirt collar had become. She then rolled her chair back a little, started rubbing her temples and quietly muttering.
Littlewolf loosened her grip, and Brian instantly started gasping. She waited for him to get a few gulps of air down. “So what’s with –?”
“Don’t know.” His voice was a bit hoarse. “All I did was say that I hoped she liked what I did with her story.”
“Didn’t she like it?”
“Yeah, she said she did. But then...”
Littlewolf’s brow furrowed as she mulled this over. “I didn’t think she’d be going ‘round the twist just yet...” she muttered.
“You mean she’s an actual mental –?!”
“No, nothing like that!” She lowered her voice. “Sometimes EW can act like a real arse over the weirdest things, though.”
“Like wha – aagh!” EW had grabbed his shirt just above the spot littlewolf was holding.
“Thanks, Wolfie.” EW said as she pulled Brian back to her eye level.
“Wolfie?” LW mouthed the word in disbelief. “Where did that come from?”
“Look Brian, I know we haven’t known each other very long.” EW’s voice had taken on a rare level of sincerity. “But I was hoping you could tell that I wouldn’t say that I like something and not actually mean it. And I’m not someone who repeats how much I like something over and over – that waters down the sentiment.”
“That sounds real nice, Sunshine.” littlewolf said, “But why are you strangling him?”
“Oh, I’m not strang– oh crap, I’m strangling him!” She released him and frantically smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt while he started grabbing for air again.
“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME” Amethyst roared as she grabbed ElectricWhite’s shoulders and shook her, “THAT YOU TRIED TO KILL THE MAN KNOWN ALL OVER THE WORLD AS CONDOR JOE?!”
“Not intentionally.” EW whimpered.
“AND YOU DID IT NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE? TWICE!!”
“I went to college. I can count to ‘2'.” Then round, fat tears started flowing freely. “I really screwed up! I don’t know what to do to fix it...if it can be fixed!” She spasmed with violent sobs.
Amethyst noticed that other Gatchamaniacs had stopped what they were doing and were slowly closing in to see what was going on. She looked back to EW and her mood softened – she couldn’t recall her friend ever appearing so pathetic. “Let’s find someplace that’s not so much in the open.” She took the back of the wheelchair and started pushing.
“I’m sorry for making such a scene.” EW said between blubbering sobs.
“Right now I’m just worried about getting you to some Kleenex before you drown in your own snot.”
* * * * *
Greta swallowed the last bite of her sandwich while hunched over her laptop. A couple more keystrokes...and enter. She fought off the urge to let out a giddy giggle while she watched the program’s progress flicker and fly across the screen.
A message went up to a satellite and then came down over a specific area.
* * * * *
It had been a couple of days since littlewolf had been at the Gatchamania site, when the near-disaster with Brian happened. She hadn’t kept up with events after she convinced him that he didn’t need to take out a court order against ElectricWhite, and it was probably a bad idea to hire a hit man.
But that wasn’t at the front of her mind as she entered the outer perimeter. She had taken five steps when three green-uniformed Spectra goons and a man in a bear suit jumped out from behind a clump of bushes. Two held onto a chain that was attached to manacles on the bear and the other stayed just to the side and a little in front of the others. But, if there was an award for strangeness, it had to go to the bear suit, which was covered in gum drops.
“What’s this?” littlewolf let the fullness of her confusion through.
“Surrender, Earthling!” the goon standing off a bit commanded, “If you don’t, you will be torn to shreds by this horrible beast!”
“What’s it supposed to be?”
“Fool! Don’t you recognize the Dreaded Drop Bear?!”
“Roar.” the bear suit said in a flat tone.
“That’s a drop bear?” she shrieked.
“You heard me!”
“Roar.” the bear suit repeated in a flat tone.
Littlewolf dropped to her knees, doubled over and succumbed to the most violent laughing fit she’d ever had. The Spectrans exchanged confused looks.
“I said, ‘Roar’.”
She let out another screech.
The Spectrans exchanged more confused looks.
Finally, she pulled herself to her feet and wiped away the tears that had gushed down her face. “Thanks, mate!” she said as she clapped the solo goon on the shoulder, “I really needed that.” She walked past the group, chuckling and wiping away more tears.
“What just happened?” the solo goon asked.
“Maybe it’s her accent.” the Spectran on the bear’s right said, “I read that drop bears don’t attack people with a certain accent.”
“I’m just a guy in a costume, you know.” the bear suit said, “I’m not a real bear.”
“Damn.” the solo Spectran muttered, “I guess we’ll have to come up with something else.”
Meanwhile, off in the distance, a small flock of ducks flew toward the Gatchamania.net site.
* * * * *
On the planet Virhe, G-Force sat in the office of Prime Elected Fout, not quite sure how to react to their host. Fout, a small, almost delicate-looking man, nervously flitted about as he addressed the team.
“Again, I cannot express how thankful I and the people of Virhe are that Chief Anderson has allowed us to honor you this day!”
“The honor’s all ours, Prime Elected.” Mark replied.
“I hope you find our attempt to create a tickertape parade satisfactory.” Fout seemed to be two heartbeats away from a stroke.
“I’m sure it will be fine, Mr.Fout.” Princess used the most soothing tone she could muster.
“It’s just that we’ve never had tickertape here.”
“And we’re honored that you’ve gone to such lengths...” Mark added.
“How much longer ‘til the parade?” Keyop whispered to Tiny.
“About an hour.” Tiny muttered. Keyop sighed and started slouching.
* * * * *
It took some time, and three family-sized boxes of tissues, but Amethyst finally got ElectricWhite to stop crying. However, they couldn’t solve this problem without Brian, and he seemed to have developed an instinct for keeping as much distance between himself and EW as the site would allow.
“I can’t say I blame him.” EW said, “I’d like to do that to me, too.”
A few minutes later, EW was near the end of the main courtyard opposite the main entrance. There was something she felt obliged to do. A dias formed under her wheelchair and lifted her almost four feet into the air. She cleared her throat, and the sound reverberated around the courtyard. “Okay, folks,” she said, “I’m here to give the membership update.” She waited a few moments for people to gather in front of the dias.
It took about five minutes for her to go through the latest news about several members who had not been able to participate for one reason or another. “Finally,” she said, “as many of you know, Fiasko13 fell into an upholstery machine last month. Well, he’s recovered now...”
A short time later, EW headed for the exit. Even though she hadn’t been on the site as long as normal, she was tired and decided to go home early. But this wasn’t unusual, so nobody else paid attention to her departure.
Meanwhile, about halfway into the courtyard, and off to the side, Transmute Jun strained to reach a long, thin, red box with a glass face mounted on a wall. Attached to her left ankle was what appeared to be a human-sized dead weight.
However, by taking a couple of steps closer, one would find the dead weight wasn’t so dead....
“PLEEEEEEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU PLEEEEEEASE!” Apparently the Weight had been at this a while – his voice was beginning to grow hoarse.
“No.” TJ flatly said as she continued to drag him toward the box.
“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND LET YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!!!”
“I said ‘No’.”
“PRETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON TOP!!”
“Nope.”
“How about caviar? Or gold? Diamonds? Any sparkly-shiny things!”
She finally reached the box. Painted on the glass face were the words: IN CASE OF TONEMAN BREAK GLASS. She grabbed a small hammer dangling from a thin chain by the box, smashed the glass, and pulled out a crowbar.
“No. No. No!” TJ said through gritted teeth as she wedged the crowbar between her ankle and Toneman’s jaw.
“PUHHHHHHHHLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!”
Just then a vicelike grip clamped down on the scruff of Toneman’s neck. He found himself staring into Amethyst’s glare. He swallowed down a lump that had formed in his throat.
“Nice day, wouldn’t you say, Sai?”
“I’m not Sai.” Icicles hung from Amethyst’s words.
“My apologies, Sa – uh, Sagacity.”
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:12:
“What did I tell you about harassing people to join your Facebook group?”
“Oh, he wasn’t bugging me for that.” TJ spoke up.
“Oh really?” Amethyst sounded slightly surprised as she let Toneman stand on his own feet.
“Really.” Toneman replied.
“Then what was all this about?”
Toneman and Transmute Jun exchanged looks.
“Uh...well...” TJ started.
“That’s a funny thing...” Toneman added.
“You forgot?!” Amethyst’s voice went up a few notches.
“Uh, it’s starting to look that way.” TJ said sheepishly.
“It looks like we got caught up in the struggle.” Toneman shrugged.
“Oh for the love of....” Amethyst muttered as she turned and stomped away.
She didn’t have long to dwell on this, though. A commotion arose near the main entrance, and people started racing toward the noise. Of course, she ran to see what was happening.
Shouts of “Make way!” and “Let them through!” were heard before a gap formed in the crowd. Littlewolf came through the gap, pushing ElectricWhite’s wheelchair. Sitting in the wheelchair was a quivering mass of welts, bruises, and feathers.
“I saw her out there.” littlewolf said between gasps from exertion, “She didn’t stand a chance...trying to push the chair and fight them off...”
From within the crowd came “Oh good Lord!” and “What happened?”
“IT’S DUCKAGEDDON OUT THERE!” EW cried.
* * * * *
Greta practically drooled with anticipation as she checked the progress of her program. She jumped up from her laptop and left the room. She went up one corridor, down another, and through several more until she reached a door – a side entrance to the Gatchamania site, her favorite entrance.
She opened the door. For as far as she could see, the ground was covered in ducks. And the light from the setting sun was blocked by flocks of more incoming ducks.
Greta squealed with delight. “Oh, cuties!” she cried, “Come on in!” She propped the door open and stepped out of the way.
* * * * *
“I am soooooooo sorry!” Prime Elected Fout wailed as he followed the battered members of G-Force into his office, “Could you ever find it in your hearts to forgive us, the misguided people of Virhe?”
“Don’t get so upset over this, Mr. Fout.” Mark was able to conceal most of the pain he was feeling, “It was an easy mistake, given you’ve been a paperless society for several millennia...”
The researchers Prime Elected Fout had chosen eagerly took on the task of researching Earth’s tickertape...they created detailed reproductions of 1920's-era stock tickers that were also quick to build, so there were hundreds of them in the rooms with windows facing the parade route. However, they didn’t realize the difference between the stock tickers and the thin paper strips – the tickertape – that ran through the machines.
So, instead of G-Force riding along the wide, main avenue of Virhe’s capital city while adoring citizens cheered from the sidewalks and long, white bits of paper fluttered down from above, there were panicked stampedes screaming and diving for the nearest shelter while shining machinery under clear domes came crashing down, shattering into flying bitts of brass and broken glass.
Jason strained to hold his tongue while he plucked shards of glass from his winged cape; deep down he knew Chief Anderson was at Center Neptune, laughing his ass off.
* * * * *
ElectricWhite had been spirited off to one of the side rooms and a steady stream of Gatchamaniacs went in and out; many returned with things to bring a little comfort to her – cold cloths, a soda, extra-fuzzy stuffed animals, a bottle of Old Fitzgerald Prime...
Brian had just stepped out of a small reading room directly across from the flurry of activity. His curiosity was piqued, so he went straight toward the action. He deviated from his course only once to avoid stepping on a couple of mallard ducks waddling toward a tree on his left.
He stopped at a small group just outside the doorway. “Somebody needs to tell Alfred Hitchcock to find a new film location!” one guy proclaimed.
“What’s going on?” Brian asked. The guy turned, a look of annoyance on his face, as if he was about to say something like, “What rock have you been under?”, but then he saw Brian, and a look of recognition took over.
“Like your work, by the way.” the guy said before he continued with, “A member got attacked by a huge number of birds.”
“Really?”
“I know it sounds like a load, but I saw EW when littlewolf pulled her in – ”
“Did you just say ‘EW’?” Brian’s mind raced for an inconspicuous way to slip away from the scene.
“Yeah.” The guy added, “They ought to put a couple of rocket launchers on her wheelchair or somethin’, with the way her life’s been goin’ lately.”
Brian quickly dumped that idea – surely there were enough people here to keep her from trying to kill him again! If nothing else, maybe he could throw enough people at her to slow her down so he could escape...
He started toward the doorway. People moved aside, giving him easy access. He stopped at the door and looked into the room, which looked like an unfurnished meeting room. Not quite at the center was EW’s wheelchair with a small mountain of bags of frozen peas and stuffed animals. A hand holding a glass stuck out from the mountain. Gina the Gatchageek, in her normal attire of khaki slacks, a polo shirt, plus helmet and wings that were a blend of the Eagle and Swan, filled the glass with Old Fitz. As soon as the glass was filled, it was pulled into the strange pile.
“I used to think it was clever to compare something torturous to being pecked to death by a duck.” EW’s muffled voice came from somewhere within the pile.
“Just take it easy, okay?” Gina said soothingly, “I don’t think getting totally smashed will help you in the long run.”
Transmute Jun and Amethyst worked their way out of the room and quickened their pace to get away from the crowd. When they were close to the center of the courtyard, they stopped at the sound of flapping wings. They both looked up in time to see five ducks fly overhead.
“Did they let some in –?” TJ asked.
“I didn’t see any come in.” Amethyst replied. They looked around and found small clusters of fowl scattered about.
“Do you think Cep could’ve introduced them?”
“Don’t you think he would’ve let us know?”
“Yeah,” TJ said with a small, resigned sigh, “EW would’ve been wheeling around screaming, ‘Thus sayeth the Almighty Cep!’ like some crazed Chihuahua on crack.”
“A six-foot-tall Chihuahua?!”
“You know what I mean.”
More ducks flew overhead and landed a short distance away.
“So where the hell are they coming from?” Amethyst asked with a slight tinge of concern in her voice.
A small army of Gatchageeks came out of nowhere and ran full-speed to the rear of the courtyard. A schooner-shaped cloud drifted down until it hovered just above the geeks’ heads.
“That’s not a good sign.” TJ muttered.
“I didn’t know there were that many Gatchageeks!” Amethyst breathed.
As one, the Gatchageeks saluted and then spread out in the main courtyard. Some plopped down on the floor in small groups while others gathered on the benches under the trees, angrily quacking at the ducks to get the birds out of the way. They all became oblivious to everything around them as their fingers hammered away on their keyboards.
“I think I know what they’re doing!” Amethyst proclaimed. She dashed back to the small crowd. The first person she came to was Brian. “Do you know anything about ducks?” she asked.
“Well...I can tell the difference between Daffy and Donald...”
She blinked a couple of times while confusion spread across her face.
“I guess that’s not much help.” he chuckled.
She instantly regained her wits. “But you can help! I need everybody’s attention!”
While there was no denying Amethyst had garnered a great deal of respect and authority at Gatchamania.net, there was nothing that could compare to the power of Condor Joe’s voice. So, within three heartbeats, everyone who had been rapt with watching EW’s turmoil were now focused on Amethyst.
“All right,” she said loud enough for all to hear, “there are ducks in the building. We need to get them outta here!”
“How do we do that?” someone just inside the room asked.
“I don’t know.” Amethyst admitted, “I guess we’ll just have to get creative.”
“And be careful!” TJ added, “We don’t need anyone to share EW’s misery.”
Gary, the assumed leader of the Gatchageeks, seemed to meld with his laptop...data became his blood flowing back and forth between his fingers and the keys....information flowed through him and surrounded him. A tiny microphone extended from his helmet, capturing everything he whispered in a language only the Gatchageeks spoke.
He felt a change in the currents surrounding him. The microphone retracted into his helmet. “Hey, TJ, Amethyst!” he cheerfully said.
“What’s happening?” TJ asked.
“Well,” Gary replied as his gaze returned to the screen and his fingers continued their dance on the keyboard, “it’s what I suspected – a signal’s bouncing off a satellite, luring the ducks here.”
“Do you have a point of origin?” Amethyst asked.
“Just a minute...” he muttered as he became more focused.
“I’ll bet we find a secret Spectra base!” TJ whispered to Amethyst, “Then we can call in G-Force to blow it to – ”
“It’s coming from this site!” he proclaimed.
“What?!” Amethyst and TJ cried in unison.
“I’m narrowing it down more...” Gary paid no heed to anything else. “Yes, it’s definitely coming from this site...and it’s moving...”
Greta rushed up to them, winded and clutching her laptop to her chest. “Sorry it took me so long.” she panted, “I was all the way over – ”
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:16:
Gary looked at Greta, then his screen, then back to Greta. “Let me see your laptop.” he commanded. Greta obliged. He opened it, tapped a couple of keys, and let out a gasp while his jaw dropped. “Greta, what the hell?!?”
“I perfected the ultimate duck call!” Greta was beaming. “Isn’t that cool?”
“Uh, no!” Amethyst, TJ, and Gary cried in unison.
“Well, why not? I’ve always wanted to have ducks wherever I go.”
“One of our members was nearly mauled to death by those demented ducks!” Gary’s voice was icy rage.
“Oh I doubt that!” Greta scoffed, “Those cute little duckies –”
Amethyst grabbed her and spun her around to face the rest of the courtyard. Some Gatchamaniacs tried to sneak up behind the ducks, grab them, and then rush them out the main entrance. Others simply tried chasing the birds. Littlewolf crouched down, let out a low growl, and then leapt up and tried to bite any duck that flew past. Finally, she decided to just tilt her head back and let out a mournful howl.
At this point, there appeared to be at least ten ducks per Gatchamaniac. “Those ‘cute little duckies’ are gonna crowd us out!” Amethyst shouted in frustration, “They’ve already got us blocked in!”
Gina seemed to appear out of nowhere. She grabbed Greta, spun her until they faced each other, and jammed a finger into the top of Greta’s breastbone. “Look,” Gina snarled, “the words ‘clean up mountains of duckie doo’ aren’t in my job description, and there’s no way in hell I’m taking on that responsibility!” TJ pulled Gina back before a finger jab could end up drawing blood.
“Look,” Gary reached under his visor to push his horn-rimmed glasses up on his nose as he said this, “we just need you to stop calling the ducks and chase them away.”
“No.” Greta crossed her arms and set her jaw.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?” Gina was about to explode.
“I don’t believe they’re the problem you claim them to be.”
The sound of a storm surge crashing against a rocky shore nearly knocked Greta, Gina, Amethyst, and TJ off their feet. They looked up and saw the keel of a schooner-shaped cloud a little over two yards above them. The stormy sounds continued for a couple more moments.
Greta cast her eyes to the floor. “Yes, sir.” she said with a sniffle. The cloud drifted back to its normal altitude.
“Jeez,” Amethyst muttered, “I hope I never piss off Cep!”
“Me too.” TJ replied.
Greta had taken back her laptop and sat down. She wiped away a couple of tears and went to work.
“What I did,” Greta said, focusing on the task at hand while trying not to think of her disappointment, “is really pretty simple. It’s just a message modulated so that only ducks could hear it.” She tapped a few more keys. “Here’s the message.”
From her laptop came the most seductive quack any human has ever heard, and it repeated on a loop.
“Did you get Brian to say that?!” That was more of a shocked statement from TJ than a question.
“Yup.” Greta grinned, “And all I had to do was ask.”
“I can’t believe that’s got the ducks – ”
“I can.” Amethyst said, “It’s kind of turning me on....I can’t believe I just said that.”
“Greta,” Gary sounded worried. “You’d better get a move-on!”
Transmute Jun and Amethyst turned to see all the ducks were now heading toward them. Greta shut off the audio and executed a few more key strokes. The ducks stopped. After a few more key taps, many ducks took to the air and flew toward the main portal. A couple of the Gatchamaniacs held open the doors until the flying birds were gone.
But 7/10ths of the ducks stayed.
“That should’ve worked!” Greta cried, “I don’t know why it didn’t!”
The remaining fowl had an unnatural gleam in their eyes. They spread their wings and vibrated. Before everybody’s eyes, the feathers disintegrated to reveal metal mockeries of ducks. The red demon head emblem of Spectra complimented the small mechas’ glowing eyes..
“Duckies aren’t a threat, huh?” Gina grumbled while glaring at Greta.
The machines let out a long, electronic hum that ended with “Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!”
“I don’t like the sound of that.” Greta whimpered.
The ducks launched into the air, darting and zipping about, forcing the membership to shield their heads with their arms and frantically run toward anything that could be used as shelter.
And then came the death rays!
Intense, pinpoint blasts came from the ducks’ eyes. The mechanized monstrosities seemed to thrill at diving toward their targets and firing their weapons. However, Spectra’s duck mechas had the same aim as Spectra’s soldiers – within five minutes half of the birds had been destroyed by friendly fire or mid-air collisions.
Greta dashed toward the room EW was in, shielding her head with her laptop. Suddenly, her laptop disintegrated into slightly melted bits of plastic and silicon. “No!” she cried as she looked at the pieces still in her hands, “My ultimate duck call!”
“It’s about time Spectra did something right!” Gina shouted from under one of the benches beneath a tree.
The breeze of a low-flying duck rustled Greta’s cape. Instead of going to the meeting room, she dove under the branches of a nearby tree that had snapped in half.
Sheer chaos ruled the courtyard as Gatchamaniacs – both the general membership and Gatchageeks – randomly ran about, tripping over duck debris as they frantically threw themselves toward anything that might offer any bit of protection.
ElectricWhite had backed her wheelchair into the far wall of the meeting room. The floor between the door and her was covered by the mechanical ducks. The machines let out a menacing electronic hum.
Suddenly, EW found her front wheels barely on the edge of a deep, smoking crater. She looked up and saw the barrel of a 6-inch gun. But instead of it being attached to a battleship, it was part of a pistol. The gun lowered, and EW saw that – somehow – Toneman was holding the thing.
“You did this?” Her voice shook, and she mentally slapped herself for asking such a stupid question.
“Hai, Sai!”
“Uh....thanks?”
Toneman gave a quick salute and walked away. EW heard a few more gun blasts moving away from the room.
“Okay....” she said as her eyes wandered around the edge of the crater, “if I can just get outta here...”
Meanwhile, Brian found himself caught up in the confusion. As he cast his eyes about, trying to figure out what to do, he was nearly trampled twice. He noticed something off to his right.
“LITTLEWOLF!” he shouted, “DUCK!”
“I know they’re ducks!” she roared back. Just then, a duck missed the top of her head by an inch as it crashed into the wall behind her. “Oh.....now I see...thanks!” She dashed off to what she hoped would be a safer place.
Overhead, the schooner-shaped cloud seemed to drift a little aimlessly. Cep was below deck, a scimitar in each hand, hacking and slashing at a flock of duck mechas that had somehow managed to get in there. They kept Cep from getting to any guns. They kept him from his computer. They kept him from going above deck. Worst of all, they destroyed a stash of rum – the high-quality supply, not the grog-quality swill.
* * * * *
TJ stood in a hallway just off the main courtyard. She was in front of a door to a small room, holding a tree branch roughly the size of a baseball bat. Although, to be honest, she doubted swatting at any of the invading ducks would do much good, if they decided she was a target.
“Oh, come on, you steel suppository!” TJ heard Amethyst shriek from the other side of the door, “You know damned well I wouldn’t prank call you!....Don’t you dare hang up!” There was a frustrated roar. A moment later, the door flew open.
“So I guess G-Force is out of the question?” TJ strained to keep a calm composure – sometimes it’s hard not to snicker at the facial expressions of flustered folks.
“I swear,” Amethyst growled, “that rust-bucket’s working for the bad guys!”
* * * * *
There didn’t seem to be a spot in the main courtyard left unscathed by the onslaught. There were craters and smoking piles of rubble all over. It wouldn’t have been surprising if Irish relief workers followed by the United Nations had shown up to put up refugee camps.
The membership was on the brink of exhaustion, but the ducks weren’t slowing down. The birds circled overhead, swirling around faster and faster, looking more and more like a funnel cloud stretching downward to touch the ground as a full-fledged tornado. But instead of roaring winds, the air was filled with an enormous electronic quaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
All the cowering Gatchamaniacs were frozen in place. Some quietly made their peace before meeting their maker. But none took their eyes off the impending quacktastrophe.
Suddenly, the funnel cloud dissipated. The ducks landed and faced the far end of the courtyard. They exchanged odd little quacks and buzzes, as if they had lost their instructions and were confused.
The members looked in the direction of whatever it was that now held the birds’ attention. A young woman emerged through the smoke and dust. She was roughly 5 ½ feet tall, had a slim build, and shoulder-length dark hair with a white barrette on one side. Her eyes were wide as she took in the scenery around her.
The ducks unfurled their wings and vibrated....no, they shivered...and they let out squeaks and buzzes that sounded like their worst fear had just materialized from darkest, filthiest pits of hell. The woman took a cautious step forward, and the birds let out a deafening shriek as they tried to take to the air to get away from her. They were so frantic that they smashed into each other, the walls, even the only tree still standing. They caused each other to be shattered into tiny pieces – only two heads rolling along the floor reached the portal.
Silence.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by ElectricWhite on 05-06-2014 at 17:19:
Gary slowly made his way over to the woman.
“I saw a side door was open,” she explained, “so I came in that way. Did I do something wrong?”
“Rachel,” he replied, “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but –” He threw his arms around her. “THANK YOU! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
* * * * *
Four streaks appeared high overhead for a very brief instant. Each one went to a different spot, still far above the main courtyard floor.
“Zark said there were invaders.” Mark’s voice was a whisper over the communicators.
“You think that bucket of bolts has never messed –” Jason started to reply.
“Something happened.” Princess interrupted, “And it looks like the members are cleaning up.”
“The trees,” Keyop added, “turned to toothpicks.”
Far below, the floor and walls had healed themselves. However, the mess wouldn’t clean itself. While other members cleared away the battle debris, Greta was given one job in particular: it was up to her to clear away the duck droppings. She let out a sigh as she pushed a broom.
“You’re doing a good job.” Transmute Jun said as Greta trudged past.
“Thanks.” Greta muttered.
Gina rushed up, pushing ElectricWhite’s wheelchair. “Well, Greta, do you have anything to say?”
“Don’t be snotty.” EW warned Gina. The welts had disappeared; she now looked like a six-foot-tall bruise in a wheelchair.
“In a way,” Greta replied, “my life has become kind of like an American cartoon – somebody always has to learn something, nothing can be just entertaining.”
“Oh?” Gina seemed genuinely surprised. “What did you learn?”
“I learned that Brian has a wonderful and powerful gift. And, while he’s very willing to share, we should only use it for the purposes of good... not for petty and trivial things.”
“I’m impressed, Greta.” TJ said, “You even sound like you’re in one of those cartoons.”
“And I guess I have to give up ducks.” Greta sighed.
“You can keep your hobby, as far as I’m concerned.” EW replied, “Just quit the crazy, okay?”
G-Force landed beside the small group. “We heard you were having problems.” Mark said.
“Well, we were...” EW said.
“Zark gave us the impression you wouldn’t be coming.” TJ added.
“Figures.” Jason spat, “I’ll bet he didn’t tell us when this was going down so we’d sit through all those stupid Apology Ceremonies on Virhe!”
“So how did you handle the situation?” Princess asked. “If things were bad enough for you to contact Center Neptune....”
Ra-chel!...ra-chel!....ra-chel! Chants of that name echoed off the walls.
“Here comes our secret weapon now!” Gina proclaimed.
Rachel was being carried around on the shoulders of two Gatchamaniacs who looked like Chippendales dancers while a small entourage followed, chanting her name. TJ waved, and the group came over.
“I hear you saved the day!” Mark said to Rachel.
“I guess.” she said with a slight blush, “That’s what they tell me.”
“How did you do it?”
“All I did was walk into the room and the ducks went crazy.”
Mark laughed at this and then realized she was serious.
“What’s the matter, Commander?” Jason chuckled, “Can’t get the lady to share her secrets?”
“Anyway,” EW chimed in, “rachel’s part of a new security measure we’ve just installed.”
“Already?!” TJ was stunned by this. “It’s just been a couple of hours!”
“But I don’t see how – ” rachel started to say.
“Trust me,” EW replied, “it’s bound to work!”
* * * * *
Three Spectra goons and a guy in a bear suit slowly, agonizingly pulled themselves to their feet. The goons’ skin was black, blue, purple, and a shade of green that almost matched their uniform. But the most pitiful of all was the Spectran in the bear suit; apparently, the ducks that were outside also had a fondness for gum drops – they showed no mercy in ripping the gum drops off the suit and gulping them down.
Never in the history of Australia had a drop bear been mauled by ducks.
Two Gatchamaniacs walked by. They saw the Spectrans but acted as though they hadn’t.
“Julie,” Redbird asked in a hushed tone, “were those – ?”
“Yeah.”
“Shouldn’t we get help?”
“I don’t think they’ll last much longer.” Julie shook her head sadly, “That poor drop bear looks like he’s about to drop himself!”
They had gone ten feet along when the air was pierced by four shrieks of terror. The two Gatchamaniacs were nearly knocked over by four panicked Spectrans running fast enough to almost break the sound barrier.
Julie and Redbird exchanged confused looks before dashing toward the site’s portal. About six feet away, they found a life-size cutout picture of rachel snarling, baring her teeth, and holding her hands as if they were claws ready to tear anybody standing in front of her to shreds. A lilting South Korean “Grrr!” and “Roar!” came from a hidden speaker. The whole thing was as adorable as chibis and Fennec foxes.
“I didn’t think it would work.” Julie admitted. Redbird shrugged.
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by Daniella T on 05-06-2014 at 20:39:
Somehow, somehow all I can think of now is this ditty I learnt as a kid (yes, I lived in the States when I was very small):
Five little ducks went out to play
Over the hills and far away
Mother Duck said quack-quack-quack
Four little ducks came tumbling back
And I just picture EW as Mother Duck... 
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They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes -- Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.
Posted by ChrisW on 05-06-2014 at 22:13:
LOL ... yay for rachel saving the day!
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Eagle Whisperer
Posted by Becky Rock on 05-06-2014 at 22:58:
Oh, EW, that was great! You got me right on the mark.
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by rachel on 07-06-2014 at 08:50:
I want some kind of praises from G1 and G2, seriously!! OR ELSE....
I'm going to go out to jog along the river, everyone should know that there are hundreds of wild ducks living in there(in winter) !!
Posted by KT1972 on 07-06-2014 at 10:05:
Yay, and you deserve it too, rachel 
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Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope. - HELEN KELLER
Posted by ElectricWhite on 07-06-2014 at 11:59:
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Believe me, rachel, the last thing I want to do is make you angry!For now, just relax! I'm sure something will happen soon....
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“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by Daniella T on 07-06-2014 at 22:02:
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Looking forward to it also EW!
__________________
They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes -- Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.
Posted by Redbird on 08-06-2014 at 12:44:
I swear I don't know where you come up with these stories EW! LOL. 
Geez, first I get buried under a pile of books, then you make me climb a mountain? Man, I've got it rough.... 
(I wanna to know what the questions are, that necessitates us having to climb it . Wait..maybe I shouldn't ask.) 
And hurray for including Rachel in the story too! She saved the day! 
This was funny, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the story EW!
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Playing darts with the Condor's feather shuriken...
Posted by rachel on 08-06-2014 at 14:37:
Posted by ElectricWhite on 08-06-2014 at 14:44:
Hoo boy! What did I get myself into NOW! 
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
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