Gatchamania.net (http://www.gatchamania.net/index.php)
- [Speak Up!] (http://www.gatchamania.net/board.php?boardid=500)
-- Rant! (http://www.gatchamania.net/board.php?boardid=23)
--- Argh!!! (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=4538)
Posted by jublke on 28-02-2014 at 04:52:
Argh!!!
My - children - are - vexing - me!!!
(deep breath)
Aaaaarrrrgggghhh!!
Since I can't scream at them, I am yelling here.
Child 1 can't keep his grades up without someone standing over him. Child 2 needs someone standing over him plus a continual redirect feed. And child 3. Oh my gosh, child 3. Child 3 is very lucky she is adorable and has a sweet streak.
Aaaaarrrrggghhh!!!
OK, I think I am done now. Carry on.
__________________
"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing." -- Blaise Pascal
Posted by ChrisW on 28-02-2014 at 05:40:
Meep. Not a parent, here, so I don't have any advice that won't make you want to hit me. Like "Breathe." 
__________________
Eagle Whisperer
Posted by jublke on 28-02-2014 at 07:39:
Aw, thanks, Chris. I just needed to whine. They are all good kids and I am lucky to have them in my life. But sometimes there is just not enough of me to go around. I'm an only child, so three of them to one of me is a foreign concept.
__________________
"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing." -- Blaise Pascal
Posted by KT1972 on 28-02-2014 at 07:54:
ah, the blissful joys of parenthood, eh? Sometimes I'm glad that two of mine are adults!
__________________
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope. - HELEN KELLER
Posted by amethyst on 28-02-2014 at 17:18:
Jules, having been there, there are times when I'm just happy my kids are not killing each other, there are times when they are trying, I wonder why am I stopping them.
I've found short term solutions for nearly every problem, but no long term ones.
I wish I could offer better help but the more stressed you get the more they will stress you out. If the dishes don't get done one night, don't fret over it. Bribery works, too. And sometimes, everyone just needs to get out of the house and away from each other; I bet with the severe winter weather and cold season, you are all cooped up more than normal.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
Posted by ChrisW on 28-02-2014 at 21:43:
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then being in close quarters and in each others' faces can certainly do the opposite.
__________________
Eagle Whisperer
Posted by Becky Rock on 28-02-2014 at 22:55:
Bribery hasn't worked for me. We used to pay our son for good grades. $5 for a A, $4 for a B, $2 for a C, nothing for a D. It impressed him when he was younger, but did nothing for him in high school.
Holding back on getting him a car didn't work. Good grades = car. He got to use ours to get to and from work, so it didn't matter to him for a long time.
When someone can crack the code of kids, let the rest of us know. Even though we've been there, our experiences at those ages just doesn't seem to relate.
Hence their look of total shock and horror when you tell them you didn't have a microwave when you were their age because they didn't exist yet.
__________________
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by KT1972 on 28-02-2014 at 23:02:
ok, so try reversing the process, take away something they treasure if they do badly, if my son doesn't behave as expected, I confiscate his games consol for a week, or until his behaviour improves, then it'll be his laptop if there's no significant improvement, and so on....
__________________
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope. - HELEN KELLER
Posted by amethyst on 28-02-2014 at 23:26:
| quote: | |
|
Because we are in phone obsessed world, using cell phones as a reward withholding them as a punishment will work with some kids.
I don't know that our experiences don't relate, but because of the prevalence of instant mass communications, social networking, and educational programs designed to teach children how to protect themselves, our children are far more savvy than any other prior generation, and they have no fear, believing they are in charge.
One thing to keep in mind, since schools are teaching children they can report abuse, many children have learned they can use that against their parents, no parent wants those allegations even if they are unfounded. While laws vary from state to state or county to country, most still require some burden of proof: bruises/unexplained injuries, lack of food, water, clothing etc, poor school attendance, etc, and most CPS organizations are overwhelmed, so most parents have nothing to fear even if a visit is made. I had a neighbor call on us because my porch was cluttered, and my son had bags of recycling that we had yet to take to a center (there is none in our town, so it takes a couple of hours).
What we need to do is figure out how to reclaim our power as parents. I know in my household that is easier when at least one of us is home; however, economics are stacked against single-earner households.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
Posted by clouddancer on 01-03-2014 at 00:09:
Julie, I hope things have improved for you. I wish I could provide some helpful advice.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by jublke on 01-03-2014 at 02:22:
Actually, things are worse at the moment, but it's not anyone's fault. My daughter was just throwing up blue jello on the floor as my husband is packing to go away on business. I am losing my mind. Already apologized to all three for yelling. On the plus side, they are not vexing me at the moment. And I got everything cleaned up, Chloroxed, and Lysoled and my daughter and me showered.
I really appreciate all of the advice. The phrase "taking back our power as parents" really resonates with me. In my case, I know we have the dial tipped too far toward the kids and their activities, but it is so hard to strike a balance. I want my kids to feel more empowered than I did as a kid, but sometimes I worry that I've gone too far, too soon. As I tell my kids, we are destined to make the exact opposite mistakes of our parents, because we are trying so hard not to make their mistakes ...
__________________
"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing." -- Blaise Pascal
Posted by ChrisW on 01-03-2014 at 02:55:
*hugs* You do get points for trying, IMO.
__________________
Eagle Whisperer
Posted by Becky Rock on 01-03-2014 at 03:01:
| quote: | |
|
Tried that too. Didn't work for long.
__________________
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by ElectricWhite on 01-03-2014 at 03:06:
| quote: | |
|
The important thing is that you care enough to try to give them a better life than you had.
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by Becky Rock on 01-03-2014 at 03:06:
Julie, I applaud any parent who has more than 1 child to raise when I can barely handle 1. They do have a lot more than we did at their age. It's hard for us to know what limits to make with them because so many things have become 'required', whether through actual need or peer pressure.
Be prepared for the teenage years.
__________________
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by jublke on 01-03-2014 at 03:29:
Becky: noooo! I am scared of the teenage years. For those of you who have been there or are there now, how do you deal with it?
__________________
"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing." -- Blaise Pascal
Posted by amethyst on 01-03-2014 at 04:24:
| quote: | |
|
There are advantages to the teen years. Grades need to stay up for sports. Most places require a minimum of a C average, some schools require more. As parents we don't need to find babysitters every time we want to go out. This can be an incentive for your oldest, he keeps an eye on the youngest and gets rewarded.
Balancing activities is hard, but worth the time. Kids involved in community activities are less likely to get in trouble. Grades are a tough one, but IMHO, they are only part of the picture. Some kids are natural students, some aren't; while some are fantastic in some subjects and struggle to pass others. Also, the switch to Common Core is messing up students and teachers alike. The premise behind this shift is good, but we seem to be making the same mistakes as we did when we implemented Whole Language years ago and "New Math" before that.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
Posted by k2p2 on 01-03-2014 at 12:03:
Whew..parent of two, 18 and 20 now, and what I call "Solo-parentis," since hubby travels weekly (leaves on Sunday/Monday and weather permitting home Thursday night)
Numero Uno--get those lines of communication open. Cell phones are a godsend for the absent parent to chat with said child daily...especially the son. Nor do you need to be privy to the subject of said conversations. Likewise, when the eldest was having 'trouble,' in one of his courses, Daddy came along on a conference call with the teacher as all "four," of us sat there discussing the issues.
As a caveat to this we had one rule. I didn't bother my kids all the time with calls and texts..However, I DID expect them to answer when I did...IMMEDIATELY!!
Numero 1(a) Listen! Listen! Listen! Wasn't it the Dalai Llama that once said. "We do not listen properly to hear what is being said, we wrongly listen to reply." One has to
listen to what it NOT being said just as much as to what is
2)Yes you can be overscheduled. Especially in the winter months. Find and create car pools with like minded parents, they are a godsend.
3)Let your kids make mistakes. It is so hard to see them stumbling around and not really seeing the forest for the trees, but in the long run, unless it involves carceration or a long hospital stay, it seems to work better for them to fall flat on their faces unimpeded every once in a while.
4) Middle School is the worst. It is a hot bed of angst, hormones and self doubt as your kids try to figure out where and how they fit in. Lucky for me, when I pushed for band, they took to it like fish to water. (Again, carpool, and yes, in the carpool your kids may be exposed to things you may not like, but that is just how the world is.)
5) Lastly, thank the goddess...don't ever forget about yourself. You need to know who and where you are at all times, and that yes, you yourself need to be forgiven cuz you are going to mess up. Be sure to cultivate interests and friends outside your children's home/school sphere..and hopefully outside of whatever church you attend as well. You need to do stuff for YOU...alone.
As I've watched my kids grow, it was really cool to see less and less of the child, and more and more of the adult emerge. I've apologized for my past failings (my son and I used to fight/argue hard, not physical, but a lot of yelling enough to scare my daughter) and there have been just as many times where my eldest lad has come to me and said, "Mom, you were right."
I've also come to really hate the way I hear some kids talk to their parents at the place where I work. I just would not put up with that. Likewise, I hear just as much parent chatter when the kids alone should be calling the shots.
If you need to vent/shoulder to cry on...don't hesitate to PM me. K2-out.
__________________
The world looks less difficult when standing next to a close friend.
Posted by ElectricWhite on 01-03-2014 at 13:28:
Julie, I wish my experience raising my great-nephew could give me some advise to pass on to you. I didn't deal much of the typical trials -- Chris was always a thoughtful kid who's eager to learn, plus I was blessed with having a charter school nearby where the staff was both willing and able to keep a constant line of communication open and help deal with any issues that came up.
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by gatchamarie on 01-03-2014 at 16:29:
Hugs, Julie! As a parent of a nine-year-old and an eight-year-old who have just had their exams last week myself, I can totally empathise with you! I can't imagine myself with a third one, so I really look up to you! It's quite hard to raise kids these days and I'm always asking myself if I'd be doing the right thing, being it this or that! After all my screaming and shouting, not that I can complain about my kids but they have their own, I just forget everything when I watch them sleep or when they'd fall ill, if I'm explaining myself well! I then remind myself that I cannot live without them even if they sometimes tend to drive me crazy!
__________________
To be or not to be a gatchamaniac - that's the dilemma!
Powered by: Burning Board Lite 1.1.2c © 2001-2004 WoltLab GmbH
English translation by Satelk
Site Coded by Cep