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Posted by clouddancer on 08-04-2012 at 23:57:
Returning ???
It has been a while since I last posted – early January I think. And although I have been in contact with some of you through email or PM's, I thought I should give everyone an update.
My class that was difficult to deal with before Christmas, turned into the class from he** upon my return after Christmas. The students who already were rude and disrespectful with each other, were now outright defiant and refused to listen to anything I asked. Insisting on leaving the room and wandering the school whenever they felt like. Calling me names and eventually throwing items at me.
I would return home 2 or 3 nights a week in tears wondering what I could do next to get through to these children and help them realize what they were doing and saying. The nights I was not crying I would just return home for a three hour "nap" before waking up and trying to figure out what I would do survive the next day. I was no longer working day by day like I had been before Christmas, but almost hour by hour. (I just have to keep them from hurting each other this hour. Deal with a problem that has cropped up over recess and then hopefully have the children settle down for the next hour until lunch. etc.)
In lat February, after trying every strategy and skill I knew to calm the class and bring them back into line, my Principal offer me and "out." He suggested I step away from the class and take on a different position in the school - one of a planning time teacher. Meaning I would be rotating through most of the classes in the school providing lessons while the core teacher had their time to plan for their lessons.
I took several days to think about this option. At first feeling like I was a failure not being able to help the students in my class (and even bigger for me feeling like my principal was telling me I was a failure because he WANTED me to step away.) But eventually I realized the stress of the situation in that class was severely affecting my health, and that a change might not only be beneficial to myself but also the children in the class.
It was decided I would continue in the class until out Winter/Spring break - which was the second week in March. After the break I would begin in my new role.
I have now been working in this role for 3 weeks and it has been a huge relief to me - at least stress wise. I am now able to return home in the evening and think beyond work. To start thinking about myself and treating myself again instead of having children/behaviour and lessons as my main focus.
I do still have some stresses. In my school I can't get away from ALL the bad behaviours - I have 2 grade 3 classes who drive me crazy with some of the same issues I used to deal with in my grade 1 class, but at least I only have them every other day for 40 minutes instead of all day. I do also have to deal with my old class - but since I get to take them to the computer lab, in most cases I am happy dealing with them.
Another concern is having to teach music and health to a couple of the classes (two of my weakest subject areas), but after a good look at the curriculum and doing online searches I figure I will be able to muddle through to the end of the school year. Even if it means I have to do lots of outdoor "activities" instead of trying to teach.
As for my old class - well it looks like their new teacher - is not doing much better than I was, even when for the first week and a half she had extra support with her. So now I feel much more reassured that it was not ME that caused ALL the problems in the class.
I would like to thank those people who supported me over the last month or so while I was making this big decision. As well as all of you who were not aware you were supporting me, because even though I never did any posting, I was still lurking and reading many of the stories and threads that were being posted. They were a small break from the insanity my life had become.
Hopefully I will be able to make more posts now that I feel like my life is settling down again. Although after 8 weeks in a high stress situation I suspect it may take that long for my health to settle back to normal.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by ChrisW on 09-04-2012 at 00:07:
Ouch. 
I'm glad you're getting some stress relief. Ultimately, staying in an out of control situation would have just worn you down more, and made everything more out of control. I was really surprised that they're so young!
*hugs*
__________________
Eagle Whisperer
Posted by amethyst on 09-04-2012 at 00:20:
CD, I am so glad that you are out of that situation. I can honestly say that you are not a failure at anything. The fact that you hung in so long and refused to give up on them is commendable.
It sounds to me like a class the administration should have broken up early in the year, spreading the worst among several teachers. It is amazing how a few strong, determined personalities can take at any age.
Hope you start to feel normal soon. Each day when you get home, put the chores and the homework aside, and make sure you spend an hour treating yourself, doing something fun or pampering to help you relax and shift gears before thinking about other responsibilities. It helps.
__________________
Perspective Alters Reality
Posted by clouddancer on 09-04-2012 at 00:39:
Chris - yes they are 6/7 year olds who feel they have the run to run things as they feel they like. They do not have to listen to anyone and can do or say anything they like, no matter who it hurts. My theory is, they have such a horrid life at home (which I have not been given the full details about) so they do not feel any respect for themselves. They have to respect themselves before they can learn to respect others.
Amethyst - Thank you as well. You are right they do need to be split up, unfortunately in my school we seem to have a large group of children with the same problem - and the other 2 classes may not have as many difficult children but they do have them. So unfortunately, the 6 in my class could not be divided among the other teachers. In fact two had been moved INTO my class from the other two hoping my "strong routines and strict discipline" would help turn them around. Unfortunately that did not go as planned.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by Becky Rock on 09-04-2012 at 00:52:
CD, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine trying to control kids that age who are so destructive.
I'm glad the new position seems to be better. Try to relax and get your health back into order. We're here for you.
__________________
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers so far...
Posted by Transmute Jun on 09-04-2012 at 01:02:
CD, I'm so glad you are doing what is best for you! You cannot help the students if you are sick and mentally stressed.
The fact that the new teacher is also having problems does show that it is not you. It seems clear that your principal was purposely taking advantage of you and giving you the worst students.
In any case, I'm so glad that you feel like you are able to come back to Gatchamania and rejoin us. We're so glad to see you! 
__________________
Posted by clouddancer on 09-04-2012 at 01:15:
Thank you Becky. Every day I seem to be getting a little better. Although the doctor now wants me to go in for a lung/breathing stress test - to see if what I have is a result of asthma. Right now the corticosteroids seem to be working, but after 3 weeks my airways have not opened up to what a "normal" persons should be.
TJ - I have missed chatting with everyone and am glad to be finding the time to return. I am trying to make this some of that "me" time that I need.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by green on 09-04-2012 at 01:48:
Cloud, it's so wonderful to see your name on posts again!
I agree with everyone who said it - as hard as it was to believe at the time, that the new teacher is having the same issues as you just proves that the problem was not you or your style but just a really horrid mix of personalities in the class. Something should have been done much sooner and I hope your Principal is realising that now.
As for your health I am so sorry to hear it's not back to where it should be. Perhaps the testing will show the reason for it...
Asthma is such an individual thing, it could be that the season is having an affect as well... or a previously unknown allergy has reared it's head to play games (I went undiagnosed for five years as a child because Autumnal hayfever messed up some of the symptoms of my seasonal asthma!). Either way, take care of yourself first - and your beautiful puppy too, of course!
Welcome back, honey - I am so glad to see you here!
__________________
Exaggeration misleads the credulous and offends the perceptive. ~Eliza Cook
Posted by jublke on 09-04-2012 at 02:34:
Clouddancer -- Sending many hugs your way. I know that this fandom and the many wonderful people in it have definitely helped me through some very stressful times. 
__________________
"The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing." -- Blaise Pascal
Posted by Daniella T on 09-04-2012 at 08:33:
CD -- welcome back! I wonder if the school will realise it's the class that is the problem and do something to help these kids (I mean "help" in the sense of helping them, as you say, realise what they are doing and saying).
I love kids, but sometimes it takes stories like yours to remind us that all is not rosy in working with them.
Just out of curiousity, did you speak to their parents? What did they say?
Anyway, lots of huggles coming your way, and I hope you feel great very soon!
__________________
They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes -- Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.
Posted by KT1972 on 09-04-2012 at 09:05:
Welcome back CD, hope RL starts treating you much better from now on.
__________________
Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope. - HELEN KELLER
Posted by littlewolf on 09-04-2012 at 10:24:
Welocme back
You deserve a medal, or extra hazard pay, as well as all other people who work with children.
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May the bad things get lost on the way to you door!
Posted by Madilayn on 09-04-2012 at 10:30:
Cloud I'm glad that you 're back and that the major problem you were having at work is sort of solved.
It horrifies me to think that children that young are being that wild - and that you, as a teacher, are powerless to do anything. Also that they are obviously not getting any form of discipline at home either.
I shudder to think what these children will grow up like.
I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying what you are doing - even with the areas in which you are weakest. Think of them as challenges! And maybe it's something that you and the students in those classes can learn together.
I look forward to having you back with us and chatting.
__________________
"When I'm old, I don't want them to say of me, "She's so charming." I want them to say, "Be careful, I think she's armed." -G. Stoddart
Posted by RIgirl on 09-04-2012 at 13:51:
CD -- I'm sorry to hear that things at work had gotten so unbearable for you, but am happy to hear that solution was found and that things have stabilized.
It's terrible when work takes its toll on you so badly that your health and other areas of your life are affected and I think you did the right thing in walking away from that unhealthy situation. It does not mean you are a failure; on the contrary, it means you are a survivor!
Glad to see you back!
__________________
"It is a rare man that is taken for what he truly is...We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream...." Peter S. Beagle
Posted by ElectricWhite on 09-04-2012 at 14:41:
CD, I'm glad to hear steps have been taken to get you away from that horrendous situation. Reading your post reminded me of my student teaching situation -- I was sent to an inner-city school and given nothing but remedial kids (which are 99% attitude problems, not kids classified as disabled.) I don't know what it's like in your district, but it sounds to me like an alternate school is needed for the kids from bad home situations who need extra discipline from specially trained people.
Also, I hope the asthma situation is straightened out soon; I'm sure this freaky weather hasn't helped! (Pardon me a moment while I grab my inhaler...)
It's so good to hear from you. I'll keep you in my thoughts while things continue to head in the right direction. 
__________________
“There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them." --Ray Bradbury
Posted by clouddancer on 09-04-2012 at 14:55:
Thank you everyone for the hugs. This is one of the reasons I knew I needed to return - for all the support. It is also another reason I lurked. Through this I never felt I had the time to comment on things - I was always too tired or never had enough time - but I always managed to find time to skim some of the threads. That continued to remind me that there was more to life than just my little part of the world.
LW - I certainly could have used hazard pay, especially when a student threw a pair of scissors at me. I think that is when my principal realized that things were not going to improve and he had to get me out of there. I also had to fill out multiple "Health and Safety" forms which were sent to many different associations - including my union.
Maddy - that is what worries me a little - what are they going to be like in another couple of years when they become teenagers? I also keep hoping it is only the children in this school area that are like that, and not in all schools.
I guess I will find that out next year, seeing as I have requested - and now signed paperwork - requesting I be removed from that school and placed in another school in my Board.
I truly love working at that school and the people I am working with, I have been there for about 10 years now, and moving has been another huge decision I had to make. I hate change, but for my health and sanity I believe it is time to get away.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by clouddancer on 09-04-2012 at 15:04:
Thank you RIgirl. That is the way I am looking at it, I have survived and I am stronger because of what I went through. Of course over the coming months I will figure out if my final decision of leaving my school was a good one. Maybe the "devil I know" is better than the one I don't.
EW - we do have school like the one you describe and I think the class I was in ended up being one of those, by default. The unfortunate problem was in our classes that are set up as remedial - and who have big behaviour issues - they are given support staff. This class ended up with over half the class having issues and me getting no support - because "We have no other support in the school."
What upset me when I left was the principal then managed to find the support, admittedly for only a week and a half, to place in the classroom with the new teacher. Of course at the time I was upset I did not realize the support was only going to be for a short time.
It took someone pointing out to me that it should show me how good a teacher I am if the principal felt he needed to switch ONE me for TWO/THREE other people.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by lborgia88 on 10-04-2012 at 14:55:
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So glad you're feeling better now -we've missed your voice here!
I am sure that the worst is behind you now.
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