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--- SJ is being Stalked .... (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=1948)
Posted by SJ_SwanJun on 17-06-2008 at 12:55:
SJ is being Stalked ....
Hey - I posted this on da house, because it is easier to paste a link than paste text to here (I use word to write posts as it is easier to be sneaky at the office with that than having a website open)
I need your opinion/advice on this matter ... please?
clicky here for the information.
Thanks guys
SJ
__________________
Sighhh
Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their butt holes and they vapour lock.
Posted by Springie on 17-06-2008 at 13:40:
Oh geez...SJ...this guy does sound like a stalker...and he sounds very unstable...I'm no expert on this, but I think you need to be straightforward and tell him that his behavior is not ok, and that your interaction with him ends now, and if it doesn't you will have to get a restraining order from the police to keep him away (and you may need to). I hope that works for you. I would also try to change your routine, if possible.
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Posted by kimiko on 17-06-2008 at 16:07:
Yup...Definitely a stalker....and definitely needs a little "persuasion" from a big burly cop with a nightstick!
What really disturbs me is the fascination with your kid. This guy is a predator!
I second what Springie said! Be direct with him...go to the cops. Is there anyone you can walk with?
I can tell you one thing that does work...get yourself a dog (I know it may not be practical when going to work) but no-one ever bothered me when I was walking my pitbulls in downtown Hamilton at night! LOL
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Putting the "Con" in Condor....Ooooo... shiny red button!
Posted by lborgia88 on 17-06-2008 at 18:03:
I agree, this guy does sound like he has mental problems. Lord knows I never want to yell at people, but I think this guy needs to be told in no uncertain terms that he's a creep and that he'd better stay the hell away from you, and your son's daycare. If that doesn't work, get the police involved. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they already know who this guy is. I had a similar, but less creepy, experience with a stalker once.
Years ago, in grad school, I was a teaching assistant in Kent, Ohio. There was a campus bus service that ran all over Kent and the surrounding areas, including the next town over, which was the county seat and had some sort of "half-way house" for people with mental problems who weren't considered dangerous. Anyway, one of the residents of this place would, at random periods of time, start taking the bus to the campus and come to the history department (his deceased father had been a prof there years earlier). The first time I encountered him, I was alone in the room where all the TAs had their desks, and this guy who was clearly not exactly right in the head came in, plunked himself down in a chair in front of my desk and said "I want to ask you a historical question!" Nice little me, I actually chit-chatted with him for a minute, as he said even stranger things, and then I said "I have to go to class now. You have to leave too!" and I took off. I went upstairs to where the faculty offices were, and told my advisor what had happened. My advisor had been in the history dept. for a few decades, had known the crazy guy's father, and told me who this guy was, and that he had been coming around the history dept. for years. However, the crazy guy became fixated with me, and kept coming around the TA room, asking where "that blond" was, and would leave weird "love offerings" on my desk (usually sheets of paper he'd pulled from recycling bins near the photocopiers). The graduate coordinator heard of this and told us TAs that since it was a state university, open to the public, he couldn't be barred from the building, but that we TAs should tell him that he couldn't come in the TA room unless he was student taking a history class. I generally managed to avoid him (other TAs would tip me off if they'd seen him), and after a while, he stopped coming around. About a year later, my adviser got a collect call, out of the blue, from the crazy guy, who had apparently just been committed to a state mental facility that he was unable to leave. My advisor wasn't able to learn exactly what the guy had done, that got him committed, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to know anyway!
Posted by SJ_SwanJun on 17-06-2008 at 18:26:
Thanks, guys, for confirming that it isn't just my instincts over reacting on this.
I think I'm going to have a long sit down with Flash this afternoon and discuss a game plan. I think my first plan might be getting Joshie into a new daycare.
The issue with that is availability. Here in Toronto getting a pre-school position is pretty tough - and damn expensive! $50 a day ... yeah ... A DAY. And they won't be as personalized as his current providers, who he loves like grandparents. Joshie is doing so awesome with these people.
That might be an over reaction, but the fact he brings up Josh's daycare does alarm me somewhat.
:purses lips: Maybe I'll get Flash to go in late and he can take both Josh and I in and then have a little man-to-creep chat with him ... sans baseball bat and chainsaw of course...for now...
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Damn and double damn ... Now that is scary.
That had the potential of becoming dangerous! Glad your fellow TAs had your back there!
I've had this happen once before back when I was working in football and some Indian guy stalked me all over the city. It only took one discussion with about ten footballers for him to back off.
sigh ...
Thanks again guys
SJ
__________________
Sighhh
Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their butt holes and they vapour lock.
Posted by Metaliant on 17-06-2008 at 19:42:
I am sorry to hear that you have a stalker SJ. But I do agree that you and your hubbie should sit down and discuss what the plan is goin' to be. Also, I think it may be prudent to tell the police that there is a bloke asking wee too many questions about your kid's daycare centre for your liking, just in case, you aren't the only one he's stalking.
Or should we come to Toronto and walk with you to work and meet this gentleman and let him meet our friends, the baseball bats family.
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Eagle in Residence
Tempory Frisker
Posted by lborgia88 on 17-06-2008 at 21:29:
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Sigh. Mostly, I felt sorry for the guy, as he was so clearly mentally ill (my adviser thought it was schizophrenia) but the fact that, out of the entire department, he kept trying to find me, and kept leaving things on my desk, made me really uncomfortable.
Of course, in my case, he had no clue where to find me outside the history department's building, and I didn't have a small child in the picture either.
Posted by clouddancer on 17-06-2008 at 21:36:
Sorry to hear about your situation SJ.
I hope you are able to resolve this issue quickly, and without having to cause too much disruption to Josh.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 17-06-2008 at 21:44:
STALKER!! Find a way to get rid of him SJ... now I don't mean hire a hit man. The thing is you don't know really who he is or what he's capable of. I don't blame you for being worried about your child since he knows where the daycare centre is. Maybe you should warn the centre about him. Just in case there is more reasons he's watching the centre.
Thats what I would do...
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Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by Hinotori on 17-06-2008 at 22:14:
SJ, ITA with Springie, LB, and Ebony's advice. The best thing to do is notify daycare of this person (he may be doing this to other children too) because, regardless if it's just you or not, it is a definite security problem for the center. I would also make your thoughts perfectly clear to this guy and tell him point-blank that this is not acceptable behavior and that he needs to stop. If he doesn't listen to what you say, or you get some other creepy reaction from him, then I would go directly to the police and let them know what's going on.
I hope things get better soon, SJ! I've had stalking issues with someone who is mentally unstable and it's not a fun situation to be in.
Please keep up posted!
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Hinotori
Eagle in Charge
Posted by Rory on 17-06-2008 at 22:51:
Dear SJ,
I don't know if this will help you. I've personally had a nasty experience with a stalker in the past. The stalker even happened to be female and who was jealous of me because I had a close friendship with a certain celebrity in my country.
What to do:
1. Never confront the stalker ALONE. You will only make matters worse and it will actually make the stalker more brave to do what he or she is doing. From what I've observed, they actually revel in the attention that is being given to them and they will do more and more dangerous things just to get that attention.
2. Get the police involved. If you cannot confront the guy with a cop, try to make their job a lot easier by taking a picture of the stalker. If you are not able to take his picture, at least ask help from the daycare center or a neighbor close by to take photos of suspicious persons. This would make for easy identification of the suspect.
3. While changing daycare centers may seem like a good option, stalkers will ALWAYS find a way to locate where your child's new daycare center will be. It may seem like paranoid behavior, but keep the information of your child's new daycare center an ABSOLUTE SECRET.
4. It may be very, very difficult, but NEVER ENTRUST YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY TO ANYONE, even friends or relatives. If necessary, give strict rules to the daycare center staff to never leave your child out of their sight. Tell your child to always be with a group of friends. Try to devise a way between you and your husband to bring and fetch your child to and from the center.
I hope this helps in some way. Whatever you do, ALWAYS BE VIGILANT. If you can find a way to identify the stalker and report him to the police, the better.
Sincerely,
Rory
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 18-06-2008 at 02:02:
SJ what a thread and half full of advice...
Now its time to become paranoid and never leave your son with a family member or friends.....ever again, quit work, lock your self inside your house....paint the windows black, dye your hair another colour and get cosmetic surgery....
(Just jokes, I know its a serious situation for you.)
I hope you can get him out of your life soon.
__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by Firebird on 18-06-2008 at 15:41:
Hey SJ I replied on the club when I saw it in my email box.
If Flash can take you both it would be great other than that you said you were on good terms with neighbours etc is there someone near to you that can walk with you to take Joshie to daycare?
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Like the Phoenix I rise from the fire. Beware all who try to tame me, you may get burned 
Posted by gatchgirl on 18-06-2008 at 21:51:
Always trust your gut when it comes to things like that. Even if it means just using the opposite side of the street. I agree that you should come up with a family plan, but coming from someone that as a child messed up (a whole other story) make sure you let the child daycare in on it, it would help you immensely if they know to keep an eye out for a "creep" like that.
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" No gratitude needs to be voiced, your mind speaks to us!"
Racer by day, Feather Thrower all the time!
Posted by SJ_SwanJun on 19-06-2008 at 12:30:
Update
Okay ... So a couple of days have passed.
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I am happy to say that I am applying many of your suggestions and have thus far had no problems.
Knock on wood.
I have also discussed the problem with a friend of mine here at work who passed the information along to her husband who is a Toronto Cop.
His advice was pretty much the same as yours. He said it would be wise to report it. Even though there is nothing the police can do right now, it is good to have a report on file.
Daycare have been notified and are keeping an eye out.
I have also changed up my routine, which has seen me able to completely avoid him for the past two days.
So fingers crossed, it's working for now!!
Thanks again, guys. You gave me clarity here, which is needed!
SJ
__________________
Sighhh
Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their butt holes and they vapour lock.
Posted by clouddancer on 19-06-2008 at 13:14:
It is good to hear you are feeling more comfortable SJ.
Fingers crossed that it continues.
As for the reporting, it is always good to create a paper trail, as I have discovered in the school system, on both children and parents.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by Firebird on 19-06-2008 at 13:22:
Happy yo hear you have had a trouble free few days, may it continue!
__________________
Like the Phoenix I rise from the fire. Beware all who try to tame me, you may get burned
Posted by Metaliant on 19-06-2008 at 14:41:
Got all of my fingers and toes crossedf as well.
__________________
Eagle in Residence
Tempory Frisker
Posted by Hinotori on 19-06-2008 at 16:46:
Glad to hear that things are better! I hope it continues to stay this way!
__________________
Hinotori
Eagle in Charge
Posted by lborgia88 on 19-06-2008 at 19:27:
RE: Update
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I hope it keeps working, and that this guy is capable of taking the hint that you do not want to see him!
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