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--- Being A Writer: Good or Bad? (http://www.gatchamania.net/threadid.php?threadid=1863)
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 21:14:
Being A Writer: Good or Bad?
Okay, I'm not sure if this qualifies as a rant or not. Sorry for posting this, but I'm still pretty much in a daze, not to mention very confused about how quickly things happened yesterday.
After the medical convention yesterday, I received a call from a Chinese publisher in my country and asked if I could meet him personally. Needless to say, this gentleman has been trying to get me to write a series of health books for him, but I've been having my apprehensions about the tremendous work it would entail just writing them. Add the fact that I'm also writing for two major publications, serving as consultant for three TV networks, while battling a serious illness at the same time has made me uncertain whether I could undertake the additional work.
I don't know exactly what happened, but, yes, I found myself officially signing the contract to write the books. It must've been the money he offered to pay me; I don't know. But officially, it's a done deal. I told him to give me time to come up with outlines for the contents of the books. Let's face it. I am already an established medical writer in my country, and I don't want to botch it up with coming up with an inferior book.
Now, however, I find myself caught with very ambivalent feelings. While I'm happy at the prospect, I must admit that there is this fear that something might go wrong. Truth be told, I'm not really happy with the magazines I work for right now, because of all the darned delays in releasing our paychecks. I won't deny that I need the money because of this. One thing that is bothering me the most is that these health books would be a step further from my true goal, which is to write fiction. By taking on this project, I'm really afraid that I wouldn't find the time now to write stories at all.
Really! I'm so confused and rather angry with myself that I'm getting into all these big things, and yet I don't know how I should feel about it. I know any writer would want to be able to publish A book. But these are not the types of books I've dreamed of doing.
Apologies for ranting like this...if this actually qualifies as a rant.
Oh, before I forget, I might be popping into the forums from time to time for the next 30 days or so. I've also been invited to submit stories to a yaoi publication with a June 15 deadline, and this is one invite that I did not have any hesitations accepting. So I need to work on my submissions first before continuing with any of the Gatch fics I'm doing now.
Sincerely,
Rory
Posted by meg on 08-05-2008 at 21:51:
Dear Rory,
Sorry to hear about your illness. I'm not in a position to give you advice, but I was trying to think what I would do if I was in your situation.
I would probably consider backing out of the stuff I don't want to do (if at all possible), or negotiate more time to write, so I could be more relaxed about it.
Looks like you have more then enough work already.
__________________
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 22:16:
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Dear Meg,
Actually, I have cancer of the uterus, so it's really been very, very difficult for me. The problem is, as I said, with the way things are going at the magazine, I can't meet my bill payments AND hospital expenses at the same time, so I have no choice but to take on more work than I could handle. The book deal was very tempting -- it's PhP25,000 to 30,000 per book. I already told him that I wouldn't rush writing it, if only to come up with a real good book.
But I have to be honest that the one thing that really concerns me is that I would have to sacrifice my fiction writing again. I was so depressed when I couldn't write stories at all. I don't intend to neglect it this time as I did last year.
Thanks so much for your concern!
Sincerely,
Rory
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 08-05-2008 at 22:46:
It sounds like you have a very busy working Schedule Rory. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. 
and I hope your treatment goes well for you.
It is tempting when you need money and some offers to pay you well to sign a contract. I hope it works out better than you think.
__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 22:52:
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Yes, it's a rather daunting work schedule for anyone to undertake. Frankly, and sorry for being negative, I'm quite resigned as to whatever outcome my illness and treatments will have for me. Maybe because I've been through so much in so little time, sometimes you get tired of living.
The Chinese publisher thankfully looks honest enough. Like you, I'm hoping for the best.
Thanks!
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 08-05-2008 at 22:57:
Hang in there Rory... Something better is just around the corner!!! Look at this way...in your real life story (which is about you), the twist you've been hanging out for is about to happen... nerve raking and scary, but it could be just what you wanted deep down....you just don't know what good thing is just coming your way!
__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 23:01:
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Thank you very much. I really do hope you're right.
Posted by Springie on 08-05-2008 at 23:04:
Oh Rory...I do hope you are able to take some of the things you don't want to write off of your plate...
and I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers...I have a good friend who had cancer and has been in remission for 12 years so far... and she is doing great. I sincerely hope you get some good news soon!
__________________
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 23:17:
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To be honest, if I could only quit the magazine I'm working for now, I would. But I'm still tied to them not only by a contract, but also by the fact that they were the ones who put up the money for my late mom's angioplasty. So I still have to pay the money I owe them back. It's really difficult to earn money in a Third World country like the Philippines.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers.
Posted by Hinotori on 08-05-2008 at 23:18:
Ah, yes, that perpetual inner-conflict... You want to say no, but somehow it comes out as a "yes" instead!!
I understand how you feel, Rory, but I also understand the financial side of things. It stinks that sometimes our personal enjoyments have to take the hit (I'm going through that right now). I know how frustrating it is to want to write for your own pleasure, but not being able to. BUT for your finances, you made the right decision. The books will be done, hopefully quicker than you think, and your fiction ideas/writing will always be there. So when you want or need the break from writing the non-fiction, items, your pen and paper (or keyboard and computer!) will be right there waiting for you! It's a nice consolation to know that your writing is just around the corner and that your muses never truly leave you (though I think mine are quite aggravated with me right now!)
I'm also sorry to hear about your illness. I hope things go well for you and that brighter days are ahead!
__________________
Hinotori
Eagle in Charge
Posted by Rory on 08-05-2008 at 23:24:
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Dear Hino,
I actually wouldn't call fiction writing as something I do for "pleasure". I take writing fiction more seriously than writing non-fic stuff. Hence, because of this, I feel more fulfilled writing fiction, whether fanfic or original. I wish I could say that my muses are more than just aggravated. My mind is full of ideas that ends up getting stifled by all the non-fic stuff that I do. But, you know? If could write fics and make money out of them, that would really make me very, very happy, even more than writing the non-fic stuff.
Anyway, I'm glad that the Chinese publisher at least gave me time to do the outlines for the books. So now, I'm concentrating on my story submissions to that yaoi magazine.
Thanks for your kind thoughts and wishes!
Posted by lborgia88 on 08-05-2008 at 23:45:
I'm so sorry to hear about your illness, Rory, and that it's making you choose extra work that brings in money over work that inspires you. I truly hope that you can find a way to accomplish your non-fiction work that still leaves some room for fiction, while you regain your health.
Posted by Transmute Jun on 08-05-2008 at 23:57:
I am sorry to hear about your cancer, and I hope that this job doesn't stress you out too much, Rory.
__________________
Posted by clouddancer on 09-05-2008 at 00:08:
Rory, sorry to hear about your illness.
I hope you are able to sort out your non-fiction and your fiction writing.
What you want to write with what you need to write.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted by Evangelina on 09-05-2008 at 02:48:
RE: Being A Writer: Good or Bad?
Hi Rory,
First, I'm so sorry to hear about your cancer, and that you've got so many things to deal with. That always seems to be the way, doesn't it?
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How did you get that job? I would give a few fingers for that opportunity!!!!
If I understand this properly, you feel ambivalent for one primary reason (I realize there are other issues, but there seems to be The Big Issue) and that is that you feel like it will take away from fiction writing. Is that right?
I appreciate the fear that something might go wrong with the projects, but honestly, I always feel that way when I begin a serious or major nonfiction project. I might let someone down, what in hell have I gotten myself into...?! So I bet that's a feeling you've had before, and I bet things have consistently turned out all right. Otherwise you wouldn't be where you are.
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You know what I do? I write every night before I go to bed. No matter what. Even if it's just for 10 minutes. I work on my fiction. Sometimes that means I stay up much too late, but I AM writing. Or editing. Or otherwise working on one of my fiction projects. I just tell people I'm going to bed and then write instead.
And it may sound easy to say that, but I'm also working on a nonfiction book by day, and have other writing and full-time work obligations besides. It's just that, like you, the writing is the most important thing. So I do it, to keep me sane.
You've had so much success with your other writing. You'll find (or make!) a place you can carve out a niche for your fiction. If someone is inviting you to submit to a publication, clearly you have the talent, and you are wise enough to want to nurture it!
Eva
__________________
And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 09-05-2008 at 04:57:
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I have work with a lot if Philippino women over the years and they often say that about you country, how hard it is to earn good money. The one that migrate here generally do very well financially. I can see why, they have the best work ethic, and lovely nature. And they are wise with their money.
Eva's right in saying you must have talent to be approached about writing books!!! Annoying as it is for you during such a busy time in your life. I hope the rant has made you feel better... Better out than left inside to fester I say!!!
__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by Tengu on 09-05-2008 at 06:15:
Im sure you will do just fine.
China is a massive market, after all, and you sound like you know your subject.
Id like to write, but havent the confidence (or the disclipline) I wouldnt write fiction though (I can tell a story, but thats useful in non fiction too) most fiction writers have no imagination and I wouldnt want to be classed with the likes of them.
You sound like a qualified person who can do a sensible job.
__________________
"If you think I am a Condor, you may keep that opinion;
Though I am no Condor, my Skylines rusty enough."
Posted by Ebonyswanne on 09-05-2008 at 06:28:
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Isn't that a contradiction???
__________________
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up- Pablo Picasso.
Posted by meridianday on 09-05-2008 at 08:41:
Rory, my mom had that cancer last year, so I can really relate to what you're going through. I wish you all the best.
__________________
Mallanox : "My mother was Irish and my father was an alien. I was an only child and I dress funny." Posted by kimiko on 09-05-2008 at 13:33:
Rory I hope all the best for you with your illness.
I always feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. Back in the younger days...I could work 2 or 3 jobs and go to university and enjoy it...nowadays forget it...even though I do need the money too!
Only you know your limits, just don't stress yourself out, your health comes first...
__________________
Putting the "Con" in Condor....Ooooo... shiny red button!
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